Just needed to get that out of the way so I can continue to refer to myself as a blogger in social situations. Carry on.
Category Archives: my problems
Unless a bucket of cash shows up on my doorstep, I won’t be buying an HDTV soon. I have a 24-inch LCD computer monitor on a cart. If I want a giant TV, I just have to cart the thing to my face. Take that, HDTV pushers! Meanwhile, I have a feeling I will [...]
If it weren’t for SPAM, I wouldn’t have logged into the site to delete a SPAM comment, and you wouldn’t have had a new blog post to read. Aren’t you lucky?
I voted today. Can you guess which municipality received my help? No fair guessing if I hung out with you immediately before or after voting. As an added bonus, we will see how few people still read this crappy blog. USA! USA! USA!
The Royals are 27-32 at home. After last night, they are 1-9 when I attend. Home winning percentage: 46% Me winning percentage: 10% I must be emanating some awful aura that spreads through the stadium and affects this team.
A plant, whose existence would be meaningless, found meaning by messing up my existence. Feel free to chew on that hefty load of profound before reading on. I’m pretty sure you could power cars with the crud that seeps from this crap. I know I won’t need to buy Pennzoil for awhile. Screw waterboarding. If [...]
Dear Insects of Summer, Yes, my skin is beautiful, delicious and a pleasure to suck on. But there’s not enough to go around for everybody. Lay off my shit for awhile. I’ll get you something nice. Promise. Matt
When I saw George Carlin’s latest HBO special, “It’s Bad For Ya,” I realized George Carlin’s prime never ended. He was still as brilliant as always, and would remain so until he died – which was to have taken place no sooner than ten years from now. Most comics get a couple years in the [...]
Command center complete. I turned my 20-inch widescreen on its side so I can stack my personal gmail and my professional Google Apps mail on top of each other.
I ordered a 24-inch widescreen monitor to fill in the empty space on my monitor shelf – the 20-inch widescreen just doesn’t take up enough room. Mac Mini will run across both big displays, and the XP laptop will stay where it is. I need more reasons to never leave this room. The “after” picture [...]
My neighbors are getting married this weekend. Stephen invited me over yesterday to enjoy smoked chicken and Boulevard Wheat with some friends and family. His future brother-in-law had a full-grown, three-pound dog of some sort (I’m no dog expert). I noticed a hawk circling above and wondered out loud whether the hawk was looking to [...]
We got a pan of Olive Garden lasagna for dinner on Mother’s Day. I got three servings out of the leftovers to take home. Here’s what my diet has been since Sunday: Sunday night: Olive Garden Lasagna Monday lunch: Olive Garden Lasagna Monday dinner: Olive Garden Lasagna Tuesday lunch: Olive Garden Lasagna My innards are [...]
Five reasons to be pissed: 1. We had a late soccer game against douchebags, and next week’s game is later. 2. One of the sucky episodes from the later seasons of Seinfeld is on. 3. I’m out of hard drive space and need more immediately. 4. My WordPress install runs slow, and it’s probably one [...]
I can’t think of anything to write. This picture of me struggling to play the accordion should provide enough entertainment for you.
Good news! I’m alive! My brother Tom tricked me into playing indoor soccer. Tonight was our first game. As expected, I was out of breath 90 percent of the time. Also true to form, I took a soccer ball to the face. I’d say it was the defensive play of the game. Police sketch of [...]
Previously, a game of Hacky Sack made me feel old. Today, juggling a soccer ball showed my age. As we were juggling the ball, I noticed a hint of eyebrow in my peripheral vision. This is a first for me. My eyebrows are apparently close to running wild. Please, bear with me through this troubling [...]
Dammit. My socks are itching me. Yes, I could do something about it, but my feet are all the way at the other end of my body. I’m reclining with my computer on my lap, further complicating the situation. Aha! My big toes were able to force the socks away from my affected ankles. It’s [...]