Category Archives: restrooms

Toilet Training

I’ve struggled with the toilet at work since I arrived four months ago. It took me a few weeks to figure out the proper sequence and timing of flushes to evacuate the bowl. I would flush, wait a second, add an additional flush, and then a final flush a second later to finish it off. […]

A case for public urination

Local and state governments get creative when budgets are tight. Some consider legalizing and taxing pot. Others simply fire employees. Why not consider legalizing public urination outside courthouses and city halls?  It would save on water and sewage infrastructure. Plus, everyone would score a mental benefit from literally pissing on the government. Problem solved.

Diarrhea farts

Ninety percent of my job involves face-to-face interactions with the general public.  A fair number of these people emit foul odors. Today, I was working with a lady and her male companion.  Both were in their 50s.  Toward the end of our long discussion, the smell of liquid scat filled the air.  Was it truly […]

Left pinky to the rescue

For now on, I shall do any public restroom flushing or door opening with my left pinky.  I use the left pinky less than any other digit, so it seems like a smart idea to use it when touching areas with latent fecal matter.

Okay, just one more toilet post

Unless something epic happens in there soon, this will be my last post about restrooms for awhile. Promise. A restaurant that has a sign like the one below has employees that don’t wash their hands. That is all.

Back to the toilet

The last week for this blog has been all about toilets, the Royals, toilets at Royals games, and today it’s about toilets at bars while watching the Royals. Unlike recent years, I’m not in a position to talk about the Royals being in the toilet, so that theme will thankfully have to wait. We went […]

A deuce at The K

I went to my first Royals game of the year tonight.  My goal for the year is 20 games, so if you’re in the KC metro and hankering for some Royals, hit me up. It was a good time. That new HD scoreboard is pretty sweet.  They throw lots of information up there.  It’ll take […]

Is that the sound of urine?

Mike, Justin and I hit a couple of bars before the KU game Monday. Justin’s bladder is the size of a shot glass, do we had to duck into The Eldridge Hotel for a bathroom break between bars. The Eldridge is an ancient hotel, and its bathrooms are no exception. The men’s room had two […]

Piss and poo candy

I went to Tanner’s in Waldo Saturday night. They have a candy machine in the restroom.  It’s filled with unwrapped candy.  I guess Tanner’s wants to guarantee you get fecal matter and piss all over your candy. The only delicacy you’re allowed to purchase in the restroom is a Strawberry-Banana flavored condom. Flavor is clearly […]

The pooping train

Some woman in India accidentally gave birth on the toilet of a moving train.  This sounds scary enough, but apparently toilets on Indian trains are just open holes to the track below.  So, the baby fell straight through the toilet and onto the tracks.  They found the baby almost two hours later, still alive. The […]

The Border War

Rather than go to Arrowhead Stadium for KU-MU, we went to Ugly Joe’s at 103rd and State Line. You see, Arrowhead is clearly in Missouri. Ugly Joe’s is right on the border, making it more suitable for the whole “Border War” mentality. Yeah, that’s it. It was almost a 50/50 KU-MU crowd. Obviously, a similar […]

That "not so fresh" feeling

Have you ever been in a car with heated seats? They’re quite handy when it gets cold outside. But if you’re not expecting the seat warmer to be on, it’s quite a different sensation, as you feel your ass slowly warm for reasons you can’t explain. It’s more of a “Did I just crap myself?” […]

The Unisex Toilet

I went to Tomfooleries for happy hour last night. The food was great, the drink specials were on target, but the bathroom situation was a little disconcerting. We sat in the fairly new upstairs area, which probably seats about 100 people, maybe more. One unisex toilet was in place to serve this area. The unisex […]

Cider Fest 2007

Cider Fest is this weekend in Louisburg. I have other plans, but if you’re looking to blow out your colon, Cider Fest is the way to go. The festivities start with a pancake breakfast from 9 to 11 a.m. followed by a barbecue from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Live music and entertainment begin at […]

The Toilet Paper Shuffle

Once or twice a year, I have to do the toilet paper shuffle. The latest incident was at my friend Tony’s place in Chicago. I noticed the short supply of toilet paper on the roll as I was completing my pinch. I conserved the paper as best I could, but was still one wipe short. […]

Urinal carpet

On my return trip from Big Lake, Missouri, I had the honor of discovering an interesting restroom configuration. As you know, most gas station restrooms are filthy, especially when located off the Interstate. While this restroom was clean and tidy, someone made the curious choice of putting a carpet square under the urinal. Yes, taking […]