One type of homeless creates a drive-thru for begging. The homeless will choose a high-traffic intersection with rare pedestrian traffic. A drive-thru begger has a tiny cardboard sign with illegible writing. If you give him money, he could buy a Sharpie, make a better sign, then get high off the Sharpie. Or maybe he should [...]
Category Archives: this is america
I’ve placed calls to KCP&L and the Kansas City Star in the past week. Both robot operators told me to “Listen closely, as our menu has changed.” I’ve heard this message many times from other automated greetings. Why is the menu changing so much? Are there new things on the menu? Or is it something [...]
Local and state governments get creative when budgets are tight. Some consider legalizing and taxing pot. Others simply fire employees. Why not consider legalizing public urination outside courthouses and city halls? It would save on water and sewage infrastructure. Plus, everyone would score a mental benefit from literally pissing on the government. Problem solved.
Prices are plunging! If you have cash and job security, you can pick up some cheap crap you and your loved ones don’t need this holiday season. For the rest of us: Liquor prices have to come down soon, too. USA! USA! USA!
I voted today. Can you guess which municipality received my help? No fair guessing if I hung out with you immediately before or after voting. As an added bonus, we will see how few people still read this crappy blog. USA! USA! USA!
CNN: Paul Street, author of the forthcoming book, “Barack Obama and the Future of American Politics,” says Obama risks becoming an Oval Office version of talk-show host Oprah Winfrey. She and former Secretary of State Colin Powell are African-American figures whose popularity allows some white Americans to congratulate themselves for not being racist, he says. [...]
Good, if creepy, information to know. The “value of a statistical life” is $6.9 million, the Environmental Protection Agency reckoned in May — a drop of nearly $1 million from just five years ago. When drawing up regulations, government agencies put a value on human life and then weigh the costs versus the lifesaving benefits [...]
Doctors removed what they thought was a 9-year-old girl’s tumor, but turned out to be her dead twin, from her stomach. Andreas Markou, head of the hospital’s pediatric department, said the embryo was a formed fetus with a head, hair and eyes, but no brain or umbilical cord. The girl’s selfish family doesn’t want her [...]
My drive to Colorado had all kinds of exceptional sights. 1. A portable crapper strapped to a truck I didn’t have much confidence in the strap holding this porta-pottie. I quickly moved into a different lane and passed with vigor. I didn’t want to pick human waste off the front of my car before I [...]
Note: Lots more words in this post than you’re used to. Don’t worry. I’ll give you a podcast version so you can rest your eyes, if need be. mp3 file (4:06) We wanted to try something new Saturday night. We decided on the Kansas City Power and Light District. Fearful of tight parking, we chose [...]
Who would’ve thought a restaurant named “Cracker Barrel” would have so many racial discrimination incidents?
It’s going to be cold as the opposite of Hell tonight, but I’ll brave it for some serious lunar eclipse viewing action if the skies allow. Here’s what you need to know (central time). The partial eclipse phase begins tonight at 7:43 p.m., as the Earth’s dark shadow starts to cover the full moon. The [...]
I have a feeling Roger Clemens will be indicted for perjury in his Congressional testimony. Lost in all the baseball hubbub is a steroid crisis unfolding in front of America right on network television. One of our favorite past times is in peril, and no one says a word. First, take a look at the [...]
The United States bridge team is facing a “Dixie Chicks-style backlash” for the sign below, which reads “We did not vote for Bush.” They were trying to convey a “hey, we didn’t vote for him, don’t boo us” message at the world bridge championships. What did they convey instead? Only our fuglies were smart enough [...]
“Made in China” sure doesn’t have the sweet ring that it used to. Check out what they’re putting in our toys now. Aqua Dots, which features small beads that bond with water, are made with a chemical the body converts to gamma-hydroxy butyrate, commonly known as the date-rape drug. Two children in the U.S. who [...]
Boyz II Men shocked the world when they sang “God Bless America” during the seventh-inning stretch. How did Boston land that act? Seriously, though, what’s with all the gratuitous America loving? The Star Spangled Banner is more than enough. Here’s a compromise: hand out American flag lapel pins to the first 15,000 fans, and don’t [...]
I hate online polls (see here and here). News broke this morning about the Royals hiring a new manager. So, they had to throw up an online poll. Sadly, Americans are suckers for polls. In an hour and a half, 700 people jumped at the opportunity to cast their meaningless vote. Screenshot. Clicking will get [...]
I just got done watching Matt Lauer interview Larry Craig. I don’t think Larry really won too many points with the interview, but he didn’t really hurt his case either. Matt tried to put his “I’m a legitimate newsman” face on, but it just didn’t take. You could tell he was trying to catch Larry [...]
Get ready to hear plenty about this “Democrats need vaccinations before going to NASCAR events” story. In an e-mail, a staffer who works for committee chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Miss., noted an “unusual need for whomever attending to be vaccinated against hepatitis A and B,” as well as “the more normal things — tetanus, diphtheria, [...]
I went to Chipotle for lunch. I left annoyed. It wasn’t busy, so we walked right up to the burrito-press lady. This particular Chipotle employs more natives than most. Today, all the workers at the counter were speaking Spanish. The four customers in front of us were speaking Spanish, too, and were really chatting it [...]