Studio 60 debuted Monday night. Good show. I highly recommend. However, the show fell back on a Kansas joke implying we’re a state full of hicks and dumbasses. We asked “Why does Hollywood hate Kansas so much?” Segment 1 – “I’m from Cali. Blah, blah, blah.” (5:01) Segment 2 – Kirstie and Don Johnson are…
Leo Think about how your actions affect you and others, from small gestures to large ones. It’s time to move beyond middle finger to something more along the lines of flaming bag of dog doo. Sagittarius A winning attitude can go a long way toward ensuring a degree of success, especially when it comes to…
Lindsay Lohan may be moving to England. That seems about right to me. Lohan’s ex, Aaron Carter, just got engaged to a Playboy Playmate. If you didn’t know, Aaron’s been blamed for a feud between Lohan and Hillary Duff. He dated both. Now that Paramount has dumped Tom Cruise, rumors spread about Brad Pitt as…
A task force is thinking about pushing for a law against unattentive drivers. Segment 1 – A guy is annoyed at 2am by an old man driving while on his cell phone (3:57). Segment 2 – A woman thinks the old man on a cell at 2am is her dad (3:55). Segment 3 – A…
During today’s show, I expressed astonishment that I couldn’t find a picture of Willie Nelson with a doobie in hand or even just exhaling smoke to go along with the story about him getting busted for pot. Congratulations to Tom, who found one for us. “Willie Nelson Smoke” was the key phrase for Google to…
Aquarius Get savvy about your finances. A few canny moves on your part could push you into an entirely new tax bracket: the one just above M.C. Hammer. Cancer It’s likely that boredom and restlessness will kick in today, but you can do something to ease the day. Break up the humdrum routine of work…
A bad couple days for Lindsay Lohan. First, she had a fight with her mom at a restaurant on her mom’s birthday. Her mom, Dina, had already been throwing back Cristal before Lindsay showed up. Lindsay was pissed at her mom, told her to “go to hell” and stormed out of the restaurant. Dina started…
Way too many people think they can forward a message and suddenly find out who’s stalking them on MySpace. MySpace Tracker Works! Body: Find out who’s visiting your profile, displays picture, location, how long the person stayed and other data. Displays records of anyone visiting your profile. It can display pictures on your profile of…
Capricorn Scrap the idea of being perfect and focus on having more fun. But remember: safety first when towing a shopping cart behind an ’87 S-10. Gemini Spontaneous invitations and chance meetings are plentiful. The stars encourage you to say yes to as many as possible. The stars encourage you to say no to sexually…
Tom Cruise and Katie Homes’ rep says they’ll get married in the next three to six weeks. Just in time for the big day, Tom has finally won Katie’s grandma’s approval. Britney Spears named her new son Sutton Pierce. A bodyguard who applied to work for Brangelina has been arrested for impersonating a Homeland Security…
This guy’s mouth is full. (2:51) One of our listeners is going to Hollywood! (2:50) This guy has seen the Klan around JC. (1:27) “Willem Defoe cut my hair.” (1:36) Flaming homes on the highway/How’d you get into school? (3:56) The Walmart cigarette line. (2:59) Speaking of Walmart… (2:20) “Oh no! It’s Hillazilla!!!”
Leo Your natural state is zoom, zoom, zoom, but focus on each and every step, or things could go boom, boom, boom. I thought boom, boom, boom was a good thing. Sagittarius Someone in your life is intent on losing their head, but you remain calm. Guillotines are far too expensive for one person and…
Whoops, I think I’m a little late on Jennifer Aniston topping the People’s best-dressed list. Halle Berry and Jessica Alba were #2 and #3, respectively. It’s about time someone’s figured out Rachel Bilson is ten times more impressive than Mischa Barton. It looks like she’s been cast as the next Wonder Woman. She also says…
Here’s an odd story out of Lenexa about a kid who’s on six months probation for putting some G.I. Joe Survival Beverage in her coffee that apparently made her sick. I knew people had done worse things to their teachers. Segment 1 – Nun tortureSegment 2 – Tainting food/drinks/shoes By the way, when we first…
Aquarius You thrive on fresh influences. The stars say you may need to toss a few things to recharge your sense of inspiration. That rotten meat loaf in your fridge might be a good start. Even Mangino runs in horror from that thing. Cancer There will always be stresses present in day-to-day living. You can…
Kevin Federline confirms he’s a father of another baby boy. “Mom and baby are doing well, thanks, but we’re all really tired.” Life & Style Weekly says Britney was craving a double cheeseburger and milkshake from In-N-Out Burger on the way to the hospital, but “Kevin refused to stop to satisfy Brit’s urge.” Then, she…
Men’s Health has “7 Reasons to End a Friendship.” FYI: They’re all really lame reasons and I’ve never heard of a single guy officially ending a friendship. You just grow apart or you don’t. Well, well, well, all women called in. “We’re breaking up our friendship! Let’s kiss…” We also talked about Chris’ dad picking…
Capricorn You know what you want done and you know how you want it to happen. Now if you could just afford Jenna Jameson, you’d have quite the film. Gemini It’s a hectic time, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. Just make sure you stay mentally and physically flexible. See if you can bend your…
Always lead with Mario Lopez. He’s a 3-to-1 favorite to win the new edition of Dancing with the Stars. Jerry Springer at 49/1 odds. By the way, I recently caught an episode of Springer at my friend Kevin‘s house. It’s getting violent again. Give it a second shot. Looks like Britney Spears gave birth to…
We took up a classic today: pooping at work. First off, here’s some terminology that will help with this discusion. Segment 1 – The one hour deuce Segment 2 – Pooping without wallsSegment 3 – A block of Velveeta “Does the fake poop you use look a little too real? You need Insta-Poop!”
Leo Engage that cranium, but remember to check in with your heart on a regular basis. You wouldn’t want to have everyone call you “Cheney Chest” again, would you? Sagittarius Believe it or not, a surprising turn of events is just what the doctor ordered…much better than dose after dose of the pink stuff. Taurus…
This is sad: Anna Nicole Smith gave birth in the Bahamas Thursday. They found her 20-year-old son dead in the same hospital. The mole has returned! Cindy Crawford says she never admitted to using botox. Jessica Simpson and her dad/manager are feuding again. She better watch out, or she’ll be giving spankings again. Paris Hilton…
We talked about “being whipped.” Segment 1 – Guys whip themselves (1:46)Segment 2 – The Cat ‘O Nine Tails (3:09) We didn’t know what the hell she was talking about when she started with the “cat ‘o nine tails” teasing, so we had to Google it. Here’s the Wikipedia entry. All kinds of football action…
Aquarius Your intellect receives a large dose of earthy common sense. Here it is: dirt is good for growing things. Cancer Yes, other people depend on you, but you need to make your own needs a priority, too. If you get too caught up crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s for others, your own…
Diddy needs to change his name again! Only in Britain, though. There’s a little-known music producer who’s been using the “Diddy” name since 1992. Tom Cruise had a “decoy Suri” to throw off the media. Brad Pitt says he’ll consider marrying Angelina when gay people can marry each other. A Star Magazine article says otherwise.…
I’m surprised I hadn’t seen this earlier. It’s a video of Ben Affleck on some Montreal TV show while promoting Jersey Girl. At this point, he was between relationships with J-Lo and Jennifer Garner. So, he’s free to grope it up with the host of the show.
Dick Cheney needs to get on TV more. He was on Meet the Press this morning. Tim Russert couldn’t resist asking him about hunting. Cheney said he hadn’t been hunting since he shot that dude in the face, but only because it’s not hunting season. Take a listen to this funny exchange which ends with…
Both College and NFL leagues have started their seasons. It seems like almost everyone is caught up in a fantasy league or pick ’em league of some sort. We thought we’d take advantage of this trend. “Quentin’s ‘Can’t Miss’ Picks.” (4:32) “Are you ready for some, whatever this he/she’s involved with?” Free for All Friday…
Capricorn Ease up on yourself and others. You have a high set of standards. Not everyone can cough blood on command. Gemini Spend your considerable energy and insight on another person. They could really use your help. Clown makeup is the only thing that’ll make their face reasonable. Libra Get ready to close the book…
Ellen’s hosting The Oscars. WEAK! Paris Hilton’s blood alcohol level was only a .08 when she got her DUI. Any less, and she would’ve been free to go. That was at the scene, so chances are she blew even better at the police station and may get off. What? Even worse non-celeb Kimberly Stewart was…