I can no longer recommend listening to Bill Moyers Journal to fall asleep. I always try to listen to something fairly unexciting when I go to bed. Last night, I turned to my trusty Bill Moyers Podcast. Bill featured conservative televangelist/John McCain-endorser John Hagee. Bill played clips of this clown preaching about how we need…
Everyone’s asking the same question: “Why did Eliot Spitzer nail a hooker?” We point to Clinton and Lewinsky, Jim McGreevy and some dude, Larry Craig and the toilet people, and say “Why do they do it? Why do these male politicians keep banging people other than their wives? Surely they would’ve learned from others’ mistakes,…
To maintain perspective, I keep Fox News among my news sources. While 90 percent of Fox’s reporting is fairly harmless, the 10 percent that remains reaches absurdity. Look at a Google News Search for “homicide bomber.” You’ll see Fox is the only legit (?) news operation relying on this term. The idea is that “homicide…
Sinbad went on a trip to Bosnia with Hillary Clinton – a trip Hillary described as harrowing. Sinbad remembers it differently. He said the “scariest” part of the trip was wondering where he’d eat next. “I think the only ‘red-phone’ moment was: ‘Do we eat here or at the next place.’” Poor Hillary. She probably…
Meet New York Governor (as of this writing) Eliot Spitzer. Eliot likes prostitutes, and this poses a problem: Eliot needs some bad facial hair for this kind of behavior. Get after it, Els. The world demands a villainous mustache.
Good news! I’m alive! My brother Tom tricked me into playing indoor soccer. Tonight was our first game. As expected, I was out of breath 90 percent of the time. Also true to form, I took a soccer ball to the face. I’d say it was the defensive play of the game. Police sketch of…
Dear senior citizens, Enough with Wii Bowling already. While I’m glad you’ve embraced video games, I think it’s time to nut up and try something new. Every time there’s a picture of you playing Wii, you’re playing Wii Bowling. I bet you call the Wii “the bowling game.” “Hey, who wants to come over and…
Depending on your news source, Patrick Swayze will either be dead in five weeks or he’ll be perfectly fine. One thing’s for sure: We won’t be getting “Ghost 2” either way. 🙁 The SNL curse lives
I’m mostly over my cold from last week. A nagging cough remains. I would’ve preferred a complimentary cough, but a nagging one was all I could muster. I’ve never met a cough that didn’t nag.
I can’t get enough of this video from my good friend Chris Casey (see his YouTube channel here).
Thanks to the TiVo commercial below, I now know exactly what I want in a woman. I want to get ready in the morning while my future wife jams and sings at our grand piano. I own travel Scrabble. It’s awesome. Check it out here. After we’re done playing piano together, we’ll go to the…
Dear Hillary, Congratulations on winning some states again. However, this means I have to watch more CNN and Wolf Blitzer’s beard. Damn you, Matt P.S. What were you thinking Ohio, Texas and Rhode Island? Seriously. You’re silly. “I often speak awkwardly, awkwardly speaking I do.”
Probably the only NSFW Casey Kasem piece out there.
I have gross salsa Put on Wendy’s burritos Margarita’s brand
And now, Morgan Freeman the way you’ve always wanted: In the form of a dinosaur shadow puppet. Vocals and puppetry by DB.
Check out this fun flash game: Falling Hillary. If the screenshot below isn’t enough to get you playing, there’s something wrong with you. Hint: If she gets stuck, click on her and move her with your mouse.
Watch as Red confronts Andy over 2 Girls 1 Cup. Written and performed by DB Hastily edited by Matt Stooks
When I planned out my blogging year, I didn’t take into account Leap Day. Therefore, I don’t have a blog post to spare for this extra day. Damn you, Gregorian Calendar!
Hillary Clinton made a campaign stop at a Bob Evans in Ohio. “In case this other endeavor I’m involved in doesn’t work out, I know I can come back to Bob Evans.” I think we all can agree that Hillary owes Bob Evans workers an apology. Besides, who’s she to think she could get any…
I went to Manhattan last weekend to catch up with some friends. We went to Kite’s Saturday night. I learned two main things. 1. K-State basketball fans suck. K-State lost to Baylor Saturday night. Like KU fans trying to follow football (see this post), K-State basketball fans really don’t understand the game. They jeer at…
President Bush says we’re not heading into a recession. What does this mean for you? Sell all your stocks immediately. Hard times ahead.
Some woman in India accidentally gave birth on the toilet of a moving train. This sounds scary enough, but apparently toilets on Indian trains are just open holes to the track below. So, the baby fell straight through the toilet and onto the tracks. They found the baby almost two hours later, still alive. The…
The phrase “loss of lives and treasure” is a popular one in regards to the war in Iraq these days. What century is this? We talk about losing “treasure” and the voting habits of “blacks and browns.” What happened to inventing fun new words like “Islamofascist?” Stolen by Blackbeard in Fallujah
I’ve been fighting a rough cold all week. The frequent coughing has an upside. I woke up today feeling like I had done some actual, intense ab exercises yesterday. I have a feeling “Cough your way to health” volumes 1-10 will make me a very rich man.
Dear hot lesbians playing Photo Hunt at Ugly Joe’s, Thank you.
Oh no! You forgot to TiVo the debate? Don’t worry, I’ll tell you what happened. Here’s my wrap up: Bush, Bush, McCain, Bush, generic Texas pander, Bush, Bush, mandate, McCain, McCain, Iraq, Bush, etc. You’re welcome. “Which orifice are we talking about, Barack?”
Here comes another Gene Simmons production I never want to experience. The video, found at genessecret.com, purportedly features Simmons and Australian spokesmodel “Elsa” engaging in sexual activity to the tune of Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Can’t get hard to “Rock And Roll All Nite” anymore, Gene? “You may have heard or…
Who would’ve thought a restaurant named “Cracker Barrel” would have so many racial discrimination incidents?
It’s going to be cold as the opposite of Hell tonight, but I’ll brave it for some serious lunar eclipse viewing action if the skies allow. Here’s what you need to know (central time). The partial eclipse phase begins tonight at 7:43 p.m., as the Earth’s dark shadow starts to cover the full moon. The…
Hillary Clinton is starting to annoy me. She keeps giving the same speech. “It’s about picking a president who relies not just on words but on work, on hard work,” she said. “We need to make a choice between speeches and solutions, because while words matter greatly, the greatest words in the world are not…