I was a little overwhelmed this weekend, so I wasn’t able to watch the KU-MU game until Sunday, a day late. I was talking to my friend Stephen about how great DVR is. I extolled the benefits of watching sports on DVR, so long as you don’t run into someone who spoils the result. We…
Hey, CNN. Are you going to return your analysts’ computers after the election? How about you take those stickers off your laptops. You do realize you’re on TV, right?
First, it was Chuck Norris. But now look who’s standing next to Chuck. Ric Flair campaigned with Mike Huckabee in South Carolina. Refusing to be upstaged by Flair, Chuck Norris displayed his superior political prowess when he pulled out his balls and attacked John McCain. Norris claimed presidents aged three years to every one year…
It’s awesome how you chant “bullshit” every time a charging/blocking call doesn’t go your way. Keep it up. You rule.
Most of my commentary on the Kansas City Star relates to how hard Jeffrey Flanagan blows (see here and here). In fact, despising Jeffrey Flanagan runs in the family. See my brother’s posts here. Today, I’d like to focus on the Star’s website. The Chiefs hired Chan Gailey for their offensive coordinator job Wednesday. It’s…
The University of Sheffield gives me a new study to love (bold mine): The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary. “As adults we make assumptions about what works for…
If you have a ridiculous name, like “Mitt,” do you really want to remind people how ridiculous your name is all the time? And what are the benefits of having a baseball mitt associated with your campaign? Now that I think about it, I do love the leathery, dusty goodness of a baseball glove. Maybe…
Walmart checkout stands are usually stacked two deep. I’ve always thought that one line should filter into both checkout stands. This would allow a cleaner flow of traffic and reward those who stand in line longer. This works in theory. In reality, most people will jump to the second checkout stand if it looks like…
Many friends have reassured me that they would tell me if I had bad breath. I reassure them that I would do the same for them. This leads me to one frightening conclusion: People with consistently bad breath have no decent friends. I used to work with a girl who’s breath smelled like rotten garbage. …
I know some people who would be very disappointed to see NBC omit the howling Gladiator “Wolf” from the below web ad. NBC has gone through some tough times since “Friends” left the air. Omitting the hilariously stupid Wolf from advertisements just shows you how incompetent this network has become. “Howl.”
Where will it stop? Music-big names like Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean came up in connection with an Albany, N.Y.-based steroid investigation. Music critics will surely call for asterisks next to each of 50’s bullet wounds.
First Hillary Clinton cried, and now Terrell Owens sheds some tears. T.O. is a tears tease. He cries his ass off while wearing sunglasses. That’s cheating. So what does all this mean for crying? Does having two of the most perceived bitches cry on TV make it a more acceptable public activity? I think that…
This is simply too good to actually happen: In a major role reversal, ‘American Idol’ contestants might get a chance to critique Paula Abdul’s performance for a change. The Grammy-winning artist turned ‘American Idol’ judge is in talks to perform at the Super Bowl XLII this February, TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello reports. That sounds like…
Subway Jared has been packing on the pounds. Check out this profile shot from his ridiculous appearance on CBS’ NFL Today. Obviously this ad campaign is working, otherwise Subway wouldn’t parade him all over TV. Why, despite Jared’s reoccurring girth, do people still look to him for inspiration? How many people could possibly look at…
You know those security guards in the yellow jackets at NFL games? They stare at the crowd the entire game, making sure nothing sketchy occurs. This prevents them from seeing the action behind them. This is a formula for hilarious, blind-sided takeouts when a play goes out the back of the end zone. The Colts-Chargers…
OMG!
Paula Abdul is back on the crazy pills (bold mine): A tipster who saw her in the Continental Airlines terminal told the site: “She had an insane nervous breakdown that lasted 10 minutes. One minute she was hyperventilating and on the verge of passing out; the next she was yelling into her cell phone in…
This poor woman just doesn’t photograph well. “Hey, that’s the same upholstery I’m wearing!” After tonight, Hillary will realize the perils of “point elbow.” Following hours of putting out her finger, Hillary turns white from the intestinal buildup. Someone pull it already!
Hillary Clinton, in a desperate attempt to disprove her robot heritage, got emotional on the campaign trail yesterday. Her various electronic components withstood the salty flood.
I have a new favorite study. The researchers found that playing drinking games, having a personal history of binge drinking, attending a party with many other intoxicated people, and attending a themed event all predicted higher blood alcohol levels. Maybe if these “researchers” had gone out once or twice during their college years, they could’ve…
I try to avoid talking about Britney Spears, but I can’t resist once Dr. Phil gets involved. Spears was overheard angrily telling a friend ”this is the final straw” — furious her parents had contacted TV counselor Dr. Phil McGraw to step in and attempt to help Britney deal with her various demons. Spears was…
Dear Mike Huckabee, I thought it was funny and politically brilliant for you to have Chuck Norris do an ad with you. But having Norris flank you during your Iowa Caucus victory speech weirds me out a bit. Look at the Chuckster, laughing his ass off at your every word. People are talking, Mike. They’re…
On tonight’s “60 Minutes,” Roger Clemens said he didn’t use steroids or HGH. He said he would be willing to take a lie detector, but he made sure to mention this. “I don’t know if they’re good or bad.” Sounds like someone is getting ready for their lawyer to come in and declare lie detectors…
Previously, a game of Hacky Sack made me feel old. Today, juggling a soccer ball showed my age. As we were juggling the ball, I noticed a hint of eyebrow in my peripheral vision. This is a first for me. My eyebrows are apparently close to running wild. Please, bear with me through this troubling…
“Has-beens unite!” American Gladiators is back. Here are some thoughts. Does Hulk Hogan know he isn’t a Gladiator? That sleeveless black shirt combined with his constant flexing worry me. Laila Ali has a frighteningly low voice. I’m not sure what I think about the Gladiator “Wolf.” I could do without his howling. Nitro has to…
Unless the water coming out of your tap is green, I’m not drinking your bottled water. It’s fine that you only drink bottled water, but I’m not going to contribute to the bottled water industry by drinking your supply. Basically, unless we’re spending significant time away from a tap, get out of my face with…
CNN had two different pie charts up at the same time during the Iowa caucuses. Here’s the pie chart they put up for the Democrats. Notice how CNN went out of its way to squeeze Bill Richardson’s two percent piece into the pie? Now, look at the Republican pie chart. Notice the giant void between…
I sat through way too much crappy late night television last night to put a podcast together. Included are some clips and my brilliant commentary. 12:00 mp3 Podcast: Download (8.2MB)
My friend and former colleague, Chris Casey, uploaded “Freak,” his best film yet. I’ll embed it here, but you should really go to the video’s home page so you can watch it fullscreen.
Check out what the guys at Facebook (my profile here) sent me. You read correctly. The guys at Facebook went out of their way, on New Year’s, to personally wish me a happy birthday and a great day. Jealous? UPDATE: It’s come to my attention that some kind of snazzy magic, known as “code,” is…