Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

The stars commend you for staying grounded and patient. Is it any wonder that your outward circumstances now match your inner attitude? Unfortunately, the carpet still doesn’t match the curtains.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Is the charm of this person or situation going to wear off in a few days? Yes, but their B.O. won’t. Smells like Goodcents.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Let your intuition guide you when it comes to expressing yourself -- right now you're so attuned with the greater forces that it's almost uncanny. Show off that inner glow by going out for a night on the town. Don’t puke on your best friend’s cell phone this time. Speakerphone still doesn’t work right.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Your warrior spirit is called to action, but in an unusual way. Only you could be so brave in the face of full body lice infestation.

Stooks Proverb: It takes two to tango, which isn’t as easy to remember as the number of people for a threesome.