Worried about the cold weather affecting your golf swing? Worry no more. With weather.com, you’ll know just how to dress for the golf course tomorrow.
The link brings us to this page, which leads with:
Low temperatures won’t keep a hardy soul off the golf course. Why should they? Take the following steps to make sure you enjoy yourself##and play to your potential##in the chill.
The random “##” aren’t mine. They belong to the page in question.
Unfortunately, the article doesn’t mention how to get out of the rough in a foot of snow.
If you're new here, this is a place for me to pretend I'm an authority on the media, politics, the American people and random nonsense. My bio and contact information are here. Enjoy your stay. Don't hurt yourself.
If you live in a place where Winter destroys you in January, it doesn’t make sense to enact your massive self-improvement goals on New Year’s. Sure, a new year is a great time to evaluate yourself and plan some changes, but a frozen brain isn’t all that malleable.
Put those goals off until Spring – that’s the time to kick some ass. Plus, you won’t be the douche who shows up at the gym at the new year and then vanishes after two weeks. You can bet your ass the staff is rating your chances.
I’ve noticed a lot of trash cans on my neighbor’s driveways. Isn’t it a dick move to put out trash during zero-degree, snow-in-your-face weather? Can’t you spare the working man and wait a week to have your filth escorted away?
Meanwhile, I can’t spare the mailman. I’ve ran into him twice since Christmas while clearing my driveway. He’s had mail for me both times, and each time I feel like an ass for making him trounce through the snow to bring me coupons and bullshit. And, he delivers at 9am! Sorry, Doug. If it were up to me, you’d get snow days.
The Stoss has made the jump to Fox News. The man we know and love is no more.
This move earns a rating of “No Stashes. Clean shaven.”
Just needed to get that out of the way so I can continue to refer to myself as a blogger in social situations. Carry on.
Local and state governments get creative when budgets are tight. Some consider legalizing and taxing pot. Others simply fire employees.
Why not consider legalizing public urination outside courthouses and city halls? It would save on water and sewage infrastructure. Plus, everyone would score a mental benefit from literally pissing on the government.
Problem solved.
Ninety percent of my job involves face-to-face interactions with the general public. A fair number of these people emit foul odors.
Today, I was working with a lady and her male companion. Both were in their 50s. Toward the end of our long discussion, the smell of liquid scat filled the air. Was it truly a fecal discharge? Unlikely. Even the most vile person would flee the area upon a pant deposit. It had to be none other than the dreaded diarrhea fart.
While the smell was disgusting, I was more concerned with my customers thinking I had dealt it. The suspects: me, the lady, her dude, and a lone passerby. I can immediately rule out myself, and I’m fairly certain the lady didn’t concoct that rancid ass. I didn’t get a good enough look at the passerby to give him better than even odds with the lady’s dude.
I couldn’t help but make a face when the smell hit me, but I didn’t notice the lady and her dude recoil. Maybe the dude has some funky ass, and the lady has accepted it?
This is the ideal scenario, as the alternative horrifies me.
What if the passerby was the skunk? Did he deliberately plant his seed right in our laps just to make an awkward scene? Does he get his jollies going store to store, looking for victims of his gaseous talents?
If so, what an evil, brilliant asshole.
Is it really that hard to make severe weather look tolerable on a widescreen TV? I shouldn’t lose 50 percent of my screen to thunderstorms.
Fox 4, consider yourself “4WARNED!”
I rarely watch local network broadcasts, and when I do, I’m reminded why I shouldn’t.
