Once or twice a year, I have to do the toilet paper shuffle. The latest incident was at my friend Tony’s place in Chicago.
I noticed the short supply of toilet paper on the roll as I was completing my pinch. I conserved the paper as best I could, but was still one wipe short. I opened a cabinet within reach of the toilet, a likely location for toilet paper reserves. Nothing.
I turned to the toilet paper shuffle. Waddling around, pants at ankles, cabinet-to-cabinet, and ending at the closet. Tony doesn’t keep his toilet paper reserves in his bathroom!
Luckily, he had some cotton balls. You can stretch out a cotton ball to about 1/4 the size of regulation ply. It was the essence of comfort, and no noticeable dingleberries resulted.
The latest way to get shit on your iPod without downloading Bow Wow.
i still say there had to have been dingleberries in there somewhere . . . it seems unavoidable with straight cotton.
Oh, holy geez. Your description of the toilet paper shuffle is something we can all relate to, but you didn’t have to put the image of YOU doing it in my mind. What’s next? The troubling complications of getting swamp ass on a humid day?
I do the shuffle every morning when I wake up, you would think I would learn. I can always count on you to come up with the helpful tips and the cottonballs are golden!
Erin
Kevin, believe it.
DB, thanks for the story idea.
Erin, we’re all about helpful tips at mattstooks.com.