While watching Boogie Nights, I realized John C. Reilly is a poor man's Will Ferrell. In fact, I'm wondering if anyone has ever seen both of them in the same room at the same time.

I got a Pizza Shuttle last night with pepperoni and cream cheese.

It was delicious.

But every time I microwave pizza, it's a disaster.

The crust is hot.

The tip is hot.

Everything in the middle is as cold as a corpse.

Gross.

What a great show.

I actually lowered myself to going to a fan message board and there were rumors that Walt was talking in reverse when he magically appears in the jungle.

Here's the encounter between Shannon and Walt in the jungle.

Here is just what Walt says as it appeared on the show.

Here's what Walt says if you play it in reverse. Listen closely.

If you're not a fan, sorry for boring you.

Wow, I'm so intelligent. Do you know how long it took me to come up with the lame title for this post?

I had to pay a three dollar convenience fee to get my license plate renewed yesterday. Yeah, convenience fee. They're really making up for loads of lost cash from laying off people at the courthouse and even eliminating the Kate Moss-thin woman with spectacles and french frie curls who looks over the paper applications that somehow don't warrant a convenience fee.

What other conveniences are we paying for? Let's listen in to Stooks in the Morning.

Terrible.

Simply awful.

The ironic thing is that the Emmy honors excellence in television, yet The Emmy Awards is the worst thing on TV all year. But I always end up watching every minute.

Enough with the Miniseries Emmy, already. Not only do they have the Emmy for the miniseries, but they have to honor Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, Best Writing, Best Directing, and Best "I didn't know Angela Lansbury was still alive" awards in the miniseries category.

The "In Memoriam" segment is always entertaining. They have all these network executives and writers who died, but only a couple of people you've actually heard of get sprinkled in.

And what happens when Danny Cooksey, a.k.a. "Sam" from Diff'rent Strokes dies? Will he be on it?

Matthew Fox from Party of Five had three chicks with him. I'm not sexist, they were just dressed like "chicks." You know what I mean. Either way, it was nicely done. Oh yeah, I guess he's on Lost, also.

Everybody Loves Raymond? Are you kidding me? Over Arrested Development, Desperate Housewives, and Scrubs?

How does James Spader keep winning? How does he beat Kiefer, Hugh Laurie and Ian McShane? I could understand if his competition were Dave Coulier, Ben Savage and Melissa Joan Hart. But, come on.

The show also ran two minutes late, totally ruining the rest of my plans for the evening. Not cool.

An actress wipeout is the only thing that would've saved the show for me. Maybe the undeserving, funky toothed Patrica Arquette could trip over her gargantuan gown and smash her face on the walk up the steps. It could only improve her dental situation.

If you make it through this, you deserve a slap in tbe face for wasting your time and justifying me wasting mine writing it.

Tonight, I Tivo'd Survivor, and flipped between The O.C. and Primetime.

I've only been able to figure out three things that might be happening on The O.C.

1. Julie Cooper is getting back with her ex for sure, but it was over drinks, so that won't last. And besides, you can't trust Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper is such a...damn...gotta...keep it...clean. Hmmmm. Oh. Here we go: Julie Cooper is such a woman who equals not good.

2. Ryan punched a guy...I think. But I didn't need to watch any of the episode to have as much confidence in that statement than I do after watching three, total, non-consecutive, minutes of the show.

3. There is a cool, slow, ballady, acoustic version of the show's theme song: "California," by Phantom Planet. You're welcome for the illegal downloading help. Although, if you can't put "OC Theme" into Google yourself, you might be in trouble. You don't even need to use the quotations marks, you...Christina Applegate's character on Married...With Children.

I didn't get as much out of Primetime as I could have. It had some great story telling on the Hurricane.

Survivor? I guess we'll find out when I get back to the Tivo.

But that will be later.

There's a Presidential Address on.

Damn.

It's on all the channels.

What can I Tivo while I'm watching the Address?

Oh. Thank God. The WNBA Finals Game Two between the Sacramento Monarchs and the Connecticut Sun is on.

I'm slowly getting to a point.

Bear with me.

You've made it this far.

First off, I catch enough flack (sorry for that word, but I couldn't think of anything to substitute for the word I wanted to use). Where was I? Oh yeah. First off, I catch enough flack already for not going out enough. Now I'll be stuck on the couch even longer than before, and my Tivo can only record one channel at a time.

TV is back. And, I'm hosed.

Here's my proposal.

Remember when David Letterman was talking with ABC about moving his show there? Or when Fox was going after Conan? They both re-signed for more money, and, for Conan, a better gig.

Obviously all the networks make huge money in late night.

But the traditional "Late" shows have already fragmented the available viewing audience for that type of show.

Fox and ABC should replay their prime time shows in late night.

That way, I can still see The O.C., House, Arrested Development, Alias, Jake in Progress, etc., when my Tivo is busy and there's even another show I like on one of the other networks. By the way, what item doesn't belong in that last sentence?

Surely there's a bigger market for prime time re-runs in late night than the current garbage on the Fox and ABC late night schedules. Better "late" than never, right? Where's my pun award?

How I haven't been hired as a Network Executive yet baffles the mind (sarcasm warning).

There.

Finished.

Now go slap yourself.

Haha! My Tivo just flipped from Brian Williams and Tim Russert on ABC for the 8:30 South Park. Chef's sexually suggestive singing amuzes me.

Whoops, false ending.

Here's the real one.

Count the number of times I used ellipses (that's three periods in a row, or "..." for the grammatically average).

But please don't go grading my grammar on this post.

Way too many sentences.

I would lose.

And if I'm going to lose, I don't want to play.

Finished.

Now, go slap yourself.

Stop reading.

Now.

Seriously.

Don't make me reach through this computer screen and slap you myself!

"It's amazing what sleep deprivation does for the mind."

-Matt Stooks

HAHA!

I just watched Martha Stewart's new show, Martha. It's like her old show, but more awkward.

Go ahead, Martha. Force that smile. Look at how phony she is! I think a little bit of her soul dies every time she smiles.

They started the show with her holding a dog. She can't pull it off! It's taking every fiber of her being to resist choking the life out of the dog! Somebody get that thing away from the dog!

Later on, she has a stuffed animal. Phew! She still wants to tear the head off the thing, but at least she won't get arrested for it.

She has a studio audience and guests. Today she had Marcia Cross from Desperate Housewives.

Here you go. A Hurricane post.

There.

Now I've fulfilled my legal obligation as a "blogger" to mention the hurricane.

Hope it's been eye-opening.

Okay, fine. One take: The News Networks should be in charge of FEMA. They were there before the thing even started.

From the U.S. Department of Labor Website:"Labor Day differs in every essential way from the other holidays of the year in any country," said Samuel Gompers, founder and longtime president of the American Federation of Labor. "All other holidays are in a more or less degree connected with conflicts and battles of man's prowess over man, of strife and discord for greed and power, of glories achieved by one nation over another. Labor Day...is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race, or nation."

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

My take: We're either celebrating our laziness and need for an extra day off or we needed an official day to close public pools.