It is Sunday.
I decide “time to clean the kitchen.”
Then, I vacuum.
While vacuuming, I think “well, at least I did something productive this weekend.”
I take a beat, and realize: I did way too much adult shit on Saturday. Nothing primal, though. Sorry for robbing you of that visual.
But there isn’t a tangible, physical trail of the evidence I did anything, outside of the carton of cherry tomatoes I scored at the farmers market.
A coworker has a ten-minute commute.
He takes a dump each day before heading home.
Why use the work toilet when the home toilet is ten minutes away?
One might use a last-minute work deuce to while away remaining minutes before 5 o’clock. That is the not the case in this situation.
My guess: he doesn’t want to punish his wife, so he punishes his coworkers instead.
Microsoft support for Windows 7 ends today. A listener calls in with a Windows 7 memory.
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Santa calls the show. What can I say? We’ve got connections.
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Christmas is two weeks away, and I’ve got a Christmastime poem.
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Man-on-the-street reporter Steve Schnell talks to Cyber-Monday shoppers.
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Tommy the Turkey, as he does every year, calls in worried he’ll be Thanksgiving dinner.
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I have a lot of draft posts that remain in blog purgatory.
I thought it’d be fun to share a draft from time to time.
First up:
Chewbacca lives a healthy lifestyle, subsidized by autograph seekers. No alcohol or drug addiction.
A listener called and let me know she was listening earlier, and laughed so hard she choked.
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From today’s show:
“It’s Spring, and you need an umbrella…”
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I took the show to Jamaica today. I ran into Miss Cleo.
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You know that guy who paints his face, and possibly his torso, for the big game?
I take sick satisfaction watching him get sad, realizing his team is about to lose.
At that moment, with his heart broken, he doesn’t remember that he’s painted. And then, he ends up on national TV with a sad face. The contrast is fantastic.
I don’t wish him ill. I just can’t stop chuckling at someone painted up, bearing a sad face.
A guy on the plane fell asleep with his noise-cancelling headphones on.
His mouth was wide open.
I thought about putting popcorn in it, but I didn’t have any popcorn.
It just happened again.
I went exterior.
I left my body.
I looked down on me from above the ceiling fan.
I observed me getting emotionally invested in adults throwing a ball around.
Mark Zuckerberg calls to apologize once again for Facebook.
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Santa calls and shows off his sleigh’s defensive technology.
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Tommy the Turkey called the show. He was happy he survived Thanksgiving.
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Sick of listening to 20 minutes of depressing news just to enjoy the “mmm hmm” on The Daily?
Enjoy my 38-second edit.
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Another call from a telemarketer. This one wants to map me.
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Telemarketers end up calling the studio line a decent bit at the radio station. So, I went ahead and had three minutes of fun with an alleged student-loan-refinance person.
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Jesse James called into the radio show. He admitted to faking his death on this day in 1882.
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