Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Focusing on your shortcomings takes the fun out of living and makes you notice others' shortcomings, too. The power of positive thinking is no joke -- the more you do it, the more powerful you'll feel, even though you have a giant growth under your left eye. Stop picking at it.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Distractions may be taking up all of your loved ones' time at this moment, and you're at a loss about how to help. Maybe you should plan a distraction of your own to distract them from their distractions. Louie Anderson in drag usually does the trick.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Stamina and a discerning eye: Those two qualities enable you to fix just about anything that needs adjusting right now. Buying just the right air freshener to cover up the dead rodent smell in your house is a tough dilemma.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Some items have been hanging around on your to-do list for too long. Tie up the loose ends, but make sure you go all the way. Granny knots won't suffice -- you need to seal these with a double knot, a bow and whatever adhesive is keeping Bob Barker together.

Stooks Proverb: Dig the well before you are thirsty. And if you’re thirsty and vengeful at the same time, you can throw your victim down the well after enjoying a nice, fresh glass of water.