Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

This current energy makes you results-oriented and gives you fantastic taste. It’s times like these that make you question the limited availability of the McRib.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

A good cleaning from top to bottom and putting up some new shelves could help you feel safe and secure, which is exactly what you need right now. Keep the home fires burning by taking the time to update your nest. That hairdo of yours is so 2003.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Have you been spending too much time on something that is essentially a lost cause? Think about this matter very seriously. Is it making your life easier or harder? Could you put your energy to better use? It’s time to let Neil Patrick Harris go.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Let the nurturing side of your nature come out in an unusual -- and tougher -- way. Sometimes cookies and milk keeps the person who needs a pick-me-up in an infantile state. Especially when you put the date rape drug in there.

Stooks Proverb: You can’t run with the hare and hunt with the hounds, unless you’re a rabbit that wears some kind of clever hound costume.