Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

A substantial benefit comes your way on the job, thanks to all your hard work. No one else can shake the Cheetos out of the vending machine with such grace. Except Power Hits 97.5 newsman Dewey Terrill.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Some people in your life have decided that you're the go-to person for all their needs. That’s what you get for wearing the Wal-Mart “How may I help you?” vest around town.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

You have a great need to be of service to others, but you can't do so at the expense of all your resources. Save some of your permanent markers for later huffing. You’ll thank the stars when you satisfy that urge.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

You've been feeling vulnerable and in need of protection from things that you perceive as dangerous. There’s a new invention called a condom.

Stooks Proverb: Beauty is only skin deep, so is Nicole Richie, but Paris Hilton is more in line with aluminum-baseball-bat deep.