TV Guide goes big, small time
My grandpa is going to spend the next couple of weeks in assisted living.
He's used to the guide feature on his dish, so he needed the help only a TV Guide could offer. On the way to visit him yesterday, I went hunting for the surprisingly elusive Guide. The story ends in horror.
First, I went into QuikTrip. No luck there. I awkwardly left the convenience store with nothing in hand, after frantically scanning the magazine and newspaper racks like a horny teen searching for a Hustler to shoplift.
Rather than try other convenience stores with misspelled names, I headed into Hy-Vee. I went to the magazine section of the store, and struck out once more.
Cursing my stupidity for not looking for the TV Guide in its natural habitat in the first place, I walked toward the checkout stands.
I had to look like a madman, my head bobbing up and down each of ten checkout lines' magazine racks before finally locating the TV Guide. That's when it struck me: at some point between now and the time people used the TV Guide to find out show times, they made it a full-sized magazine.
I spent the rest of the afternoon asking people if they knew whether TV Guide still made the small version, because this simply made no sense. No one could confirm or deny its existence. A visit to TV Guide's website shows no small guide option, either.
The small TV Guide was the Reader's Digest of lazy people. When you had to pull yourself away from the TV to vacate your bowels, there was the TV Guide, with its perfect size for toilet reading and promise of further TV enlightenment.
I decided to do some investigating, by taking my concerns straight to the top. Luckily, TV Guide has a customer service section where you can ask questions.
After entering my message, I clicked the submit button. Look what happened:
He's used to the guide feature on his dish, so he needed the help only a TV Guide could offer. On the way to visit him yesterday, I went hunting for the surprisingly elusive Guide. The story ends in horror.
First, I went into QuikTrip. No luck there. I awkwardly left the convenience store with nothing in hand, after frantically scanning the magazine and newspaper racks like a horny teen searching for a Hustler to shoplift.
Rather than try other convenience stores with misspelled names, I headed into Hy-Vee. I went to the magazine section of the store, and struck out once more.
Cursing my stupidity for not looking for the TV Guide in its natural habitat in the first place, I walked toward the checkout stands.
I had to look like a madman, my head bobbing up and down each of ten checkout lines' magazine racks before finally locating the TV Guide. That's when it struck me: at some point between now and the time people used the TV Guide to find out show times, they made it a full-sized magazine.
I spent the rest of the afternoon asking people if they knew whether TV Guide still made the small version, because this simply made no sense. No one could confirm or deny its existence. A visit to TV Guide's website shows no small guide option, either.
The small TV Guide was the Reader's Digest of lazy people. When you had to pull yourself away from the TV to vacate your bowels, there was the TV Guide, with its perfect size for toilet reading and promise of further TV enlightenment.
I decided to do some investigating, by taking my concerns straight to the top. Luckily, TV Guide has a customer service section where you can ask questions.
After entering my message, I clicked the submit button. Look what happened:
A technical problem with a simple web form? Not likely. TV Guide must've programmed its feedback tool to suppress any and all inquiries including the words "small version of the TV Guide."
You'll never get away with this, TV Guide.
You'll never get away with this, TV Guide.
Labels: random nonsense
2 Comments:
you gotta love wikipedia (pronounced Wy kipeedia):
On July 26, 2005, Gemstar announced that TV Guide would be change in format from its digest size format to a larger full-size national magazine that will offer more stories and fewer TV listings. All 140 local editions were also eliminated, being replaced by two editions, one for Eastern/Central time zones and one for Pacific/Mountain. The change in format was attributed to the increase in the Internet, cable TV channels (like TV Guide Network), Electronic Program Guides, TiVo, as the sources of choice for viewers' program listings.
The new version of TV Guide hit stores on October 17, 2005, and featured Ty Pennington from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on the cover. The listings format, now consisted entirely of grids, also changed format to start the week's issue with Monday listings, rather than Sunday listings.
Thanks for those assists, Kevin (mostly for the Wikipedia pronunciation key).
It's been almost two years since they changed the magazine, yet they're still calling it the "New" Big TV Guide? Wow, that message just isn't getting through, is it?
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