Dear Scott Pelley,

You need to slow down.

You're kicking so much ass, it seems Morley Safer has completely given up. Even the senile Andy Rooney's confidence dwindles in your presence. Every once in awhile, Bob Simon creeps up on you with a couple of hard-hitting stories, only to have you respond by reporting from five continents at the same time. The legendary Mike Wallace fled the business because of your ridiculous standard. Don't even get me started on Lesley Stahl.

Don't get me wrong, Scott. You do amazing work. But I worry you'll meet your demise at this current pace. A jealous colleague could take you out when you least suspect it. Or maybe you'll perish in a tragic elephant stampede while reporting on the ivory war. Let the world turn without you tonight, Scott. We're all worried sick.


Be safe,

Matt