I hoped I wouldn’t ever have to do this, but the day has come. Our country is facing impeding doom from robots.
The signs weren’t immediately evident when they arrived 25 years ago, but time has exposed their insurrection. That’s right, we can longer afford to ignore the Pat Sajak and Vanna White problem.
Sell your soul to the Wheel Watchers Club for eternal, Sajak-like life
Vanna is 50, and Pat is an astounding 61 years old. No human skin can endure that many years under any light, let alone the bright lights of Hollywood and the cancerous California sun. Yet, Pat and Vanna stare, unblemished and eerily, through our TV screens each night as if it were still 1982’s Wheel of Fortune.
At best, Sajak and Vanna’s plastic surgeon is a witch doctor. At worst, Sajak and Vanna accomplish their youth by feasting on the brains of premature babies. I don’t want to find out which is the truth.