ABC is developing America's Next Muppet.

It will be American Idol and America's Next Top Model combined...but ten times better.
I don't really need to argue with anyone on why The Muppets need to come back to TV.

But I do want to argue for my muppet idea: Kermit's older, alcoholic, politically conscious half-brother, Steve (couldn't think of a funny take on what Kermit's half-brother's name might be, so I went as far away as it possibly could be), played by none other than Chris Matthews of TV's Hardball.Just listen to his voice and tell me that's not Kermit's older half-bro, alchy, poli-sci guy.

Nothing keeps my femininity in check like reading a Cosmo.

We were checking out their web page during the show, and stumbled on a tip that said men don't like women who make the first move.

Baloney.

I forecast a zero possibility of a guy turning down a girl who makes the first move. Well, at least as long as she doesn't resemble Mama Fratelli from The Goonies. And yes, I did have to IMDB that one.
Here's what our worldwide listening audience thought this morning.

I'm watching Superman II over at my friend Kevin's house.

We've come to a shocking conclusion!

Hector Elizondo must've traveled back in time to be play the role of General Zod!

Hopefully you get that headline joke. I was quite conflicted on whether to include the parentheses explanation. But I think I made the right decision.

Tonight on The Apprentice, a bunch of dorky white guys got to sing/rap/amuse me for a lifetime with Wyclef Jean as their reward for winning the challenge.

It sounded ten times worse than I had hoped. (Five Stashes on the John Stossel Scale).

And to make matters worse, even candidate "Markus" was getting in on the action.

This picture doesn't do it as much justice as it should (my pickens (see "pickings") weren't so good as not too many people are interested in having pictures of "Markus with a k" on their website just yet), but he looks remarkably like another guy on the show. Congrats on reading that sentence.

Has anyone else noticed the explosion in popularity of this term?

Everyone's saying it.

I caught myself almost saying it once. "That how I ... uh ... function" is how it ended up coming out.

I don't want to be a bandwagon "that's how I roll" abuser.

But you have to have something to substitute for this usually self-depricating phrase.

That's why am going back to "That's my flava."

Spread the word.

I'm heading to K.C. in a couple hours.

I was talking to my friend, Kevin, yesterday and told him Chris (theprewitt.com) and I were going to get together and hang out in the afternoon.

"Well, the K-State game's on, so I have to watch that. It starts at 11," is a reasonable excuse from Kevin.

But then, he says, "Then I have to do some garden work. I'll catch up with you after that."

To which I replied, "Bros before hose, man."

That is the question.
My studious co-host, Justin Carson claims Chad Kroeger, of Nickelback fame, perms his hair.

It's not a slam dunk, like Mike, Greg or Peter Brady, but do we have a match?

What happened?

The Full House Formula should've been a timeless recipe, but something went horribly wrong.

There aren't any shows like it anymore.

Where's a 24-year-old to find a good family sitcom these days?

Here's Danny trying to cheer up Stephanie, who's nervous about her first day of kindergarten.

And here's D.J. dropping the classic "omellette head" line.

It's been awhile since I've seen the episode where Joey continues to be a failure, this time on Star Search, when he takes on defending champion Steve Oedekerk, who wins yet again, leaving Joey feeling depressed about not being able to honor the 10 year deadline he set for himself to be a successful comic, but Michelle lifts his spirits and they play that music that makes your eyes water as you try to convince your grandma that you aren't crying, but that a piece of dust got in your eye, it must've been from that pokey stuff they use to make ceiling.

Have you ever tried count the number of pokeys? It's impossible.

And apparently the addition of Nicholas "Nicky" and Alexander "Alex" Katsopolis strained the ABC budget so much they could only afford one piece of clothing for Dave Coulier: that Detroit Red Wings Jersey he wore for 33 consecutive episodes leading up to the show's cancellation.

Wait a minute.

They're not twins, after all.

Look closely at the picture.

One was born with spikey hair.

A classic blast-from-the-past phrase. And something that you wish you could go ask complete strangers when they are acting odd.

How funny that we get a high woman calling into the show while we're doing this topic today. Take a listen, but be forewarned: this could make you pee yourself.

For more good times, check out this Google Image search for the word "stoned."

My friend Chris (feel free to check out his interesting website if you like) pointed out that the commercials for Valtrex made it look like people with herpes have far cooler lives than the rest of us: they're hiking, riding horses through the river, getting/giving piggyback rides, chillin' out in a hammock, flying a kite, canoeing...and that's just one commercial.

This picture says enough.

We put it up for discussion on today's show. Enjoy.

I have more proof that Nicholas Cage is simply horrifying.

His 21 year-old wife had a kid today.

The name?

Kal-el Coppola Cage.

Coppola is Nick's uncle, Francis Ford Coppola, from Godfather and Godfather Part II (I pretend he didn't have anything to do with Part III).

Kal-el?

At first glance you might think Kal-el is some Asian name, because of his wife's heritage.

You'd be wrong.

"Kal-el" is Superman's name back on Crypton.

As John Stossel says, "Give Me A Break."

By the way, all you have to do is put horns on Stossel's head and plop a tail on him.

Perfect Satan...even with the denim.
Will anyone agree with me that Nick Cage sucks?

Sure, he was in a couple good movies at some point. But he was also in Snake Eyes, Face Off, and don't forget Con Air.

John Malcovich, Ving Rames, John Cusack, Steve Buscemi and even Dave Chappelle couldn't rescue Con Air from Cage's awful acting, accent and mullet in that movie.

Maybe this picture will help.

Won't anyone join my cause?

Nicholas Cage must be stopped.