Santa called in today, and shared some of his secrets. Enjoy.

Why is it spelled that way?

And the alternate spellings are no better:

The bogeyman, also boogeyman, boogyman, or bogyman, is a ghost-like monster that children often believe is real.

"Boogieman" is more like it.

And children "often" believe he is real? Isn't that saying the majority of children think he's real?

As Stossel would say, "Give me a break!"

First off, here's the phone call that prompted the angry Email. We were talking about the occupations that annoy the normal folk. Car salesmen, telemarketers, etc. were on some recent study of the most unethical jobs when a caller said Jehova's Witnesses should be added to the list.

I got another Email today.

Subject: you miss understood me
To: mattstooks@mattstooks.com

No I know what you meant. I was just saying maybe you should have said it different. Its over with so. I thought you could have slammed me better, but that's ok. You did get my one long sentence in there. Like my brother said this morning we just like to criticize people we do it to ever one we here on the radio. I don't hate you guys even though you it might have sounded like it. I was just saying you said something dumb. I guess this is my way of apologizing for miss understanding what you said.

What could I have said to prompt the following email? Did I really imply a Hitler-esque elimination of an entire religious group? I'll have the audio here tomorrow. In the meantime, do your own grammar check, and then we'll share notes.

Subject: d.j's suck
To: mattstooks@mattstooks.com

My brother and I listen to all you dumb ass djs in the morning. You know sometimes you people should keep your mouth shut. Like when you said all jahova witness should be wiped out that was just wrong maybe all religon should be taken out more people die over religon than anything in this world. Now I know you think your funny but quite frankly I think you suck and should be replaced with some one with an IQ over 60.

Don't go to the bathroom immediately after coming in from the cold. Things are a little harder to get a hold of, and when you finally do, the fingers feel especially chilly.

People who back into their parking space at work are setting the stage to get out of there as fast as they can, even though the net time lost is far greater than pulling in head first. That's why we can't make the opposite inference for people who pull in head first. They may just be too lazy to back in, yet still want to get the hell out as fast as possible. But at least we know for sure on the "backies."

Gravy can be poured over any breakfast. Biscuits, eggs, bacon, Wheaties, whatever.

I have observed two people this week eating DQ (of the "cold treats" variety) while wearing a winter coat inside our office. That's dedication. I've also decided DQ needs to come out with a Blizzard called the "Fudge Gobbler." I hear it's high in fiber.

The WWE, formerly known as the WWF, is going to start testing wrestlers for drugs and steroids after Eddie "Latino Heat" Guerrero died a few weeks ago. They didn't find drugs in his system, but he used to dance with the white lady a couple years back.
That may solve one problem. But looking at the above photograph, I'm wondering if Satan played a part, becoming enraged with Latino's superior, acrobatic facial hair maneuvers.

I've sucked at updating the website lately.

And the longer I go between posts, the more pressure I feel to come back with a good one to make up for it.

I liken it to what Luke Perry must think when he looks over scripts for possible Lifetime original movie roles, looking for the one that will make people say "Wow! LP is back!"