We're taking a couple of shows off. We will return Tuesday, April 4th. Until then, we'll be in clip show or "Least Worst of Stooks in the Morning" mode. And we have hella clips for you to enjoy from todays show.

First off, the solution to the crunchy vs. creamy peanut butter debate.

"Ohhhhh. Mister Peanut. Was it good for you?"

Here's a call from a dude, which gives us an interesting use of the phrase "Marky Mark's Funky Bunch."

Sweedish Schoolboy Hansel has the Bird Flu and a lady wants Orlando Bloom.

I beg you to listen to a series of three clips from the High Lady...all from today's show.

1. The High Lady disregards our topic to tell me how great we are.

2. The High Lady does a singing telegram to make up for a lame one we got earlier.

3. The High Lady says her friend thinks we should play more music, leading the High Lady to drop the phrase "pop a squat." You'll only hear this clip at mattstooks.com...far too racy and odd for even this show.

Here's the inaugural edition of "Dick Cheney Says."

Can you buy a dog just for the purpose of "picking up at the park." The Stoner is too scared to even try.

The Iraqi Woman has discovered MySpace, and has some disturbing news to share.

And here's what it's like to find out when you are not, indeed, "gelling."

"I am gelling! And I've got a killer stash?!!"

BONUS CLIP: Me and Hasselhoff.

A girl won our "for fun and laughs" only office pool.

This guy called in to say he never gets any good brackets.

And this guy tried to sell us a gross of Girl Scout uniforms.

"They never found the Girl Scouts' remains."

Lots of stuff today.

Huggies laid the smack down on some ESPN guy yesterday for saying mean things about Manhattan. We talked to the ESPN dude today. He was quite apologetic.

Yesterday, Kansas overruled Emperor Sebelius' attempt to keep us from carrying our guns around.

Chris and I shot off weapons in the studio to celebrate.

Hansel called in to say the conceiled gun law makes his dad happy.

Here is a fun new segment, called "Old Men Talking."

Speaking of which, how about a new edition of "Which are the real Blanche, Dorothy and Rose?"

Finally, a look at the repaired American Idol beach ball.

"Yay!"

Congrats to K-State for getting Bob Huggins as its next basketball coach.

But he'll have to adjust to the different lifestyle Manhattan has from Cincinnati.

So some of our callers, including Johnny Kaw, called in to let him know the many benefits the state of Kansas has to offer.

The German Woman also called in to offer her thoughts.

"Deal? Or No Deal?"

The Evil Emperor of Kansas Kathleen Sebelius vetoed a concealed guns bill yesterday.

We talked about how angry this made us.

Then, a gun enthusiast called the show in a rage.

"Has anyone seen my rifle?"

The show was kinda lame today, so all we have is a funny old man that will only take about 15 seconds of your time. And here's another.

The Old Man of North America is known to remove gnats from other aging primates.

It's snowing.

On Spring Break.

So whoever stayed behind got hosed.

But keep that chin up, buckaroo! We got some good tips for a snowy Spring Break, including making love in igloos and riding people's blind spots during the wintry mix.

We also have tips on how to make a snowman.

It reminded me of a picture I got from a Fort Riley Soldier who was stationed in Afghanistan when some snow came. They made some interesting snow people. However, this is the only angle I can share with you:

"I'm snow in love with you!"

On a totally different note, The Sopranos was incredibly odd and confusing last night. We cleared it up.

Last weekend was the Fake Patrick's Day in Manhattan, but most of the rest of America celebrates today.

The German Woman was up early, throwing a few back.

We also got into an argument over how pointless leprechauns are. Then, a gentleman called in and sang us a very creative St. Pat's song.

Finally, a woman thinks she's found out why leprechauns exist.

"A leprechaun violated me while I was passed out."

The giant statue below, known as Johnny Kaw, called the show today.

"My mommy says you shouldn't touch me there."

We also had a new edition of "Which are the real Blanche and Dorothy."

And a discussion on things we'd like to light afire in protest.

I have an American Idol Beach Ball.

I love my American Idol Beach Ball ever so much.

I have fun throwing my American Idol Beach Ball at my co-host, Chris Casey.

But, then, disaster!

My American Idol Beach Ball can no longer hold air.

And I = Sad.

And Chris = Sad, too.

He has lost the will to live.

We've covered it in duct tape to see if that will repair it's lifeless body. We'll let you know if these drastic measures were successful.

This morning, we got proof that ghosts exist!

James Lipton says: whoop!

While watching American Idol, I realized Taylor Hicks is Oscar the Grouch come to life and a little happier.

Only one clip today, but it's the biggest, juiciest, most offensive clip our show has yet to produce.

Enjoy.

You'll understand when you hear the clip. Doesn't sound so tasty anymore, does it?

Manhattan had St. Patrick's Day this weekend. Yes, that's earlier than normal people celebrate it. But it gives us an opportunity to celebrate it again this Friday.

The German woman enjoyed the parade.

I also got the opportunity to talk to some drunk people on St. Pat's.

I know.

I'm brilliant for being able to locate them. I've got connections.

Anyhow, here's some of what they had to say.

"He's already learned how to pee in the sink."

Shocking news out of the Big 12 Tournament: there are two "D's" in Wooldridge.

He also got fired.

And with the announcment, Coach Wooldridge turned in his badge and neck brace.

Amazingly, we scored an interview with a potential candidate for the vacant position.

Today, we had a gentleman sing us his favorite ringtone. He would've played it for us, but he happened to calling us on the cell phone with the ringtone.

"Text messaging hides my social awkwardness."

We also had a 13-year-old girl tell us her friend of the same age got a ticket for driving. The conversation goes downhill when it appears the two girls are going all Ellen Degeneres on us.

Finally, a woman tells us about all the body parts she sniffs.

"I don't think that's how you remove an eye boog."

I went without shaving this weekend.

Then, I overslept Monday morning, which meant I had quite the nappy facial hair working.

Unfortunately, my co-workers have been convincing me to try it out for awhile.

"Do I have food in my stash?"

So, I'm now paranoid that they're convincing me to keep the thing because they know it's hideous. They must be secretly laughing at my beard attempt behind my back.

This got us onto the topic of being honest with people when they ask "how do I look with a beard?" or "do these clogs make my ankles look too skinny?"

The High Lady called to enlighten us.

Later, on an unrelated note, the Iraqi Woman called to complain about accidentally buying the Harry Potter DVD that doesn't have the special features.

First off, this is the first picture that pops up on Google Image Search when you search for Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter himself.

Courtesy Manhattan Parks Department

In celebration of today's release of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, we cast spells on each other this morning.

Then, we had Ask Louie: Spring Break Edition.

"A small Haitian family resides in my small intestine."

Haha. Woolridge was in classic form this weekend for the KU game. He was all blinged out in his neck brace.

This morning, we were talking about how he struggled to bend over to inspect an injured player. The neck brace prevented his head from pivoting, so he had to manipulate his entire torso to leer over him.

Here's a quick bit with Hansel, who has big plans for the K-State-KU game. It's under 30 seconds, so if you think it sucks, at least you didn't waste too much time.

The French-kissing bumper guy returned today, but he made a shopping cart his victim.

Multiple captions:
The Ogden Community Center Employee of the Month
Wal-Mart: your photo, hair and dental headquarters
"I still have three good years of corn-cob-eatin' ahead of me."
Axl Rose thought he could advance his career as a woman
Frank didn't need Cialis, he needed a paper bag
The head stripper at Junction City's "The G-Spot"
"Take 40 years off her, and I'd do her," said the Manhattan Parks Employee.

Vote for your favorite!

We were talking about last night's American Idol, when the High Lady called with her thoughts and a song of her own.

"I'm old?"

We also talked about how ridiculous K-State coach Jim Woolridge looks with a neck brace, especially since I thought the only people who wore neck braces were the ones who filed fradulent lawsuits on TV shows.

We got a call from a woman who also had an injury that made her look silly.

"Now I can't makeout with other people who have neck braces."

For the first time in more than a month, Wolfy called the show to give his thoughts on American Idol.

"My, Grandma, what big cans you have."

My talented co-host, Chris Casey, is quite the artist.

Check out his "Moustache Ride" cartoon.

It gets three stashes on the Stossel Scale.