Leo

Engage that cranium, but remember to check in with your heart on a regular basis. You wouldn’t want to have everyone call you “Cheney Chest” again, would you?

Sagittarius

Believe it or not, a surprising turn of events is just what the doctor ordered...much better than dose after dose of the pink stuff.

Taurus

Don't listen to what other people believe. The two most essential tools for succeeding in life are already at your disposal. All you need are love and that creepy guy from the KY warming massage commercial.

Virgo

Security concerns occupy most of your headspace right now. Oh, and lice. Buy that shampoo, already.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t judge a horse by its saddle. Do judge a horse by it’s ability to suck a pimento out of an olive with its nostril.