Aquarius

Mistakes were made. Hey, it happens. Sometimes people speak without thinking. That's what happens when you're a human being. Poop in your pants happens when you’re old and a human being, too.

Cancer

Focus on the present, especially if you're dealing with a disagreement with a loved one. Bringing up the past will only create more hurt and can muddy the waters even further. Be big about this and think about the long term: you wouldn’t want your joint “men’s 50 and over” softball card collection to be jeopardized, would you?

Scorpio

You feel more grounded when you're at home these days. If you want to socialize, why not invite a few very close chums over so you can congregate around a board game? While you’re chumming it up, be sure to compare your rotting teeth.

Aries

Mother yourself right now. Just because you're normally a go-go-go type doesn't mean you can't enjoy some slow-slow-slow. Put on a fluffy bathrobe, grab a good book, and beat your mailman over the head with it.

Stooks Proverb: A stitch in time saves nine. But Mangino can sit on all nine at once. A lot of surface area on that ass.