Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Take off in a brand-new direction. It's time to show off your skills -- including a few that people didn't know you had. Just be sure no small children are around when you do it. That trick is illegal in most states and Puerto Rico. Just ask Screech.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Choose to radiate serenity, even if everyone around you decides to cop an attitude. It'll take practice at first, but all this effort will pay off. You'll soar past old obstacles toward new successes, mainly, schizophrenia.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Who knew you could run into romance while taking care of errands? Be sure you don't get so caught up in the hustle and bustle that you miss the smile a cute stranger is sending your way. What is it about transsexuals, anyway?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Take a long look at your finances and career before you join in with someone else's plans. Is this really what you want? Is it even possible right now? These are all crucial questions to ask before you make a move. It may be time to face the possibility that you just can’t hang when it comes to Connect Four.

Stooks Proverb: Ninety percent of inspiration is perspiration. So, when people tell you you smell, just pretend they said “you’re so inspired.”