Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

All the stars are on your side, so ride out these recent upheavals. They may not look pretty on the surface, but if you wait, you'll see how they actually end up being beneficial. You could open up a diner with that much face grease.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

The universe thinks you're on the right track, and it's sending you little encouragements to keep your spirits up. You're frustrated because you want a bigger sign. Try taping several pieces of poster board together.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

The more you can detach yourself from a conflict, the better you're able to state your case. Try bathing in tomato sauce before you talk to the sewer people.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

If actual travel's not possible, explore places you don't know in a mental or spiritual way. Roam if you want to! That’s the way Catherine Zeta Jones would’ve wanted it…if she were dead.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t fear a crooked shadow, unless it has a chainsaw.