Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

It's tempting to say that you're right and everyone else is wrong, but is that truly the case? Yes. And it’s time to do some convincing with the help of a knife, hypothetical O.J.-style.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

The same old thing simply doesn't get you going. Grandma really needs to work on her motivational skills, and clean her teeth while she’s at it.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

People know that your insights and intelligence are the genuine article. Your chest? Not so much.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Taking a big step forward in your career can be scary as well as exhilarating. You're not quite sure you're ready. But who is? Take a few deep breaths, put on your homeless guy gloves and hit the streets.

Stooks Proverb: Lucky at cards, unlucky in love, but good at smoking cigars and wearing questionable visors.