Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You can really benefit from listening to the wisdom in your dreams. Continue ignoring the hermaphrodites in your dreams.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Don't fret if things feel off-kilter in your personal situation now. You can't always be on an even keel, especially with your Rolaids habit.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

The stars encourage you to shake off the past. They discourage you from shaking violently in crowds.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Usually you're in the driver's seat because you know where you want to go and how you want to get there. Let someone else take the wheel. That way, when your grandma follows you to the porn shop, you can blame them.

Stooks Proverb: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? To tip over.