She's shooting a movie called "Repo! The Genetic Opera!" The director put her in a black wig, and gave her a prosthetic nose.

"I don't want her to look like Paris Hilton," says the director, Darren Lynn Bousman, "because I want people to know she got this role because she can act."

Suuuuure. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

I know I'm not breaking new ground here, but I'm ready for Paris Hilton to go away. And here's my personalized message to her:

Dear Paris,

Congratulations on milking so much out of life by being a rich slut with a night-vision camera. Rick Salomon deserves some credit for your success, but at the rate you were sitting on it, you likely would've ran into a similar scenario had Rick not met you. Do you even realize that this single event is wholly responsible for your fame?

You probably didn't deserve to go to jail for as long as you did. It was unfair. But it simply mirrored your unfair rise to success in Hollywood as a result of being a filthy, skanky, paparazzi-loving, crotch-rotting snob.

You've enjoyed your run. We've tolerated it for quite awhile. But, you will not end up a successful actress. You're an idiot with no qualifications. You look like a bird. Go away.


Sincerely,

Matt