Scenario time. You passionately oppose the war in Iraq. You feel the need to speak out, but you know that every time you speak, you're only hurting your cause. People who've come to hate the war, now like it to spite you. Why would you continue to speak? It's because your name is Sean Penn, and you're either a moron or a neoconservative in disguise (his latest ramblings here).

Labels: celebrities, politics

I was pretty much through with this show, but got suckered into watching it last night. Rosie O'Donnell is on four episodes of Nip/Tuck this season. I'm sure it was her idea to have the "ass bandit" story line inserted (teehee). Seeing Rosie's face while a couple of digits plunged into her rectum was everything I hoped it could be. Excuse me, I must now try to un-invert my manhood.

Labels: assholes, celebrities, tv, ugly people

Fred Goldman is still pissed at O.J.

"Our intent is to continue to pursue him, to continue to hold him accountable and responsible for Ron's murder," he said during a recent phone interview from his daughter's home in the Los Angeles suburb of Santa Clarita. "And we're going to continue to do that until he's dead."

And you know the handlebar mustache will play a key role.

Labels: celebrities

First, Marie Osmond faints on Dancing with the Stars.  Now, her son's going into rehab.  What exactly are they smoking at the Osmond house?  I would pass on that pipe, if I were you.  Apparently, it causes your hair to go mad, too.

Locks of Love needs that mane, Marie

Labels: celebrities, drugs

Matt Damon is People's Sexiest Man Alive.  

Mama Fratelli retains her title as  Ugliest Woman Dead.

Labels: celebrities, ugly people

Read about Paris Hilton: Activist.

Paris Hilton is being praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India.

Activists said a celebrity endorsement such as Hilton's was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers' homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them," the 26-year-old socialite said in a report posted on World Entertainment News Network's Web site. Her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

I guess this means no Paris-Elephant sex tape.  Worse, it means no Paris-Elephant love child.

Labels: celebrities, random nonsense

Dog the Bounty Hunter is in trouble for saying the N-word six times during a phone conversation with his son.

Here you go. Beware: he says the N-word a whole lot.




There's something extra hilarious about this latest N-word fiasco. Dog wasn't going around saying "N-word this and N-Word that and goddamn N-words!" Nothing like that. Dog is talking on the phone with his son, telling him that he's worried that his son's girlfriend will go to the Enquirer and tell them that he uses the N-word. So, he gets busted for using the N-word during a conversation about how he doesn't want to get busted for using the N-word. Haha!

Labels: celebrities, RIP

If you haven't put a Halloween costume together, Robert Goulet just handed you the perfect costume on a platter.

You see, when Goulet was in a hospital waiting for a lung transplant, he didn't really give you much to work with. What're you going to do? Dress up like Goulet in a hospital gown? Boring.

But now that Goulet has passed, you can pull of a Zombie Goulet costume with relative ease. Slick back the hair, throw on a mustache, some white makeup to make you pale, add some blood, and voilà!

Thanks, Goulet!

Labels: celebrities, halloween

Keanu Reeves has me concerned about global warming. But Bonnie Raitt is telling me nuclear power, a key way to fight gloabal warming, is no good. My head's going to explode from the inner conflict!

Keanu?

Raitt?

Who will win the battle for my mind?

BTW, I hate to say it, but I really think the guy who plays Peter in "Heroes" gets his acting cues from Keanu. I was looking for a YouTube video to reinforce my position, but it seems that you can't upload a Heroes video to YouTube without adding some Nickelback for the soundtrack.

Labels: celebrities, politics

From Newsweek

Ms. Hilton Gets Serious. Please Stop Laughing.

Rich girl. Party animal. Jailbird. America's No. 1 heir-head wants to get out of the bimbo business.

And here's Paris' "You can't see it, but my legs aren't wide open in this pose" pose.

Labels: celebrities

As of this writing, Robert Goulet lies heavily sedated in a Los Angeles hospital bed, awaiting a lung transplant to avoid a tragic demise at the age of 73.

Yet America, thrilled with California wildfires and Marie Osmond fainting, looks the other way.

By the way, I just can't get over how ridiculous this whole Marie Osmond fainting thing is! She gets done dancing, jumps up and down a little bit, then hyperventilates for a minute, and then, THUD! She smashes into the floor! The audience laughs. Then, to cap off the hilarity, Bergeron throws to commercial while that stupid judge looks like he's reacting to a fart!





Stay strong, Goulet. Like you, we would prefer Donny Osmond faint in front of a national TV audience, but we'll take whatever fainting Osmond we can get.

Labels: celebrities, stooks scoop