Matt Stooks

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a post-wedding party in L.A. this weekend, for those who couldn’t make the real wedding. No word yet on whether Oprah will show up and drop the “n” word.

Child Services is not investigating Britney for partying.

Kevin Federline’s divorce lawyer’s publicist has issued a press release inviting different media outlets to talk to Kevin while he eats. Kevin is “taking it all in stride.”

Paris Hilton is the only actor signed on for “The Hottie and the Nottie.” I’m sure that will be quality entertainment.

Separated at Botox?

Lance Bass has not broken up with his boyfriend. And they don’t have an “open relationship.” From Lance’s MySpace: “What the hell does that mean anyway? I mean I think I know what that means…and if it is…then the answer is def NO!”

Betty White still signs autographs.

Who do you turn to when Andy Dick says the “N” word?

Christmas lights will kill you.

Laura Bush was caught in a fashion disaster.

I think they’re implying that “The Beast” from “Beauty and the Beast” wasn’t as kindhearted as you might think.