President Bush is a moron. Today, he talked about the national intelligence estimate, which said Iran stopped its nuclear weapons program four years ago. “I have said Iran is dangerous, and the NIE doesn’t do anything to change my opinion about the danger Iran poses to the world. Quite the contrary.” Quite the contrary? Do…
Barack Obama said “I have not been planning to run for President for however number of years some of the other candidates have been planning for.” Hillary Clinton’s campaign, looking to call BS, tracked down a quote from his kindergarten teacher. She said Barack wrote an essay with the title “I Want To Become President.”…
I’m making my way through the Republican YouTube Debate. This is depressing, and not just because Anderson Cooper has to say “time” 15 times per response before a candidate finally shuts up. How about cutting a candidate’s mic 10 seconds after you say “time.” Why hasn’t CNN hired me yet? I haven’t been around all…
A new message might be coming from Osama bin Laden. Will it be a video? Will Osama sport an embarrassing new facial hair style? Or will he steer clear of the “Just for Men” treatment this time? Some website, obviously stocked with pedophiles, but surely devoid of babies playing with iPhones, Lolcats, and girls feasting…
Thanks to his Nobel Prize win, Al Gore got the pleasure of meeting with President Bush Monday. You know Gore wants to smack that smirk right off W’s face The two spent 40 minutes in a private Oval Office meeting. Al says they spent the whole time talking about global warming. I call BS on…
Mike Huckabee keeps trying to trick everyone into thinking he’s the Republican, less orally pleased Bill Clinton. He’ll really be pushing it once he starts playing guitar on the modern day version of Arsenio Hall (Ellen?). Note to the media: Yes, you saw “I Heart Huckabees.” That doesn’t give you the right to put “_____…
The United States bridge team is facing a “Dixie Chicks-style backlash” for the sign below, which reads “We did not vote for Bush.” They were trying to convey a “hey, we didn’t vote for him, don’t boo us” message at the world bridge championships. What did they convey instead? Only our fuglies were smart enough…
A guy is gay, but a woman is a lesbian. But a lesbian is also gay. “Lesbian” just helps specify the sex of the gay without adding extra words. There’s a word specifically for men who are gay, but it’s not a nice word. How come the lesbians get their own word, and the male…
Lou Dobbs says: As I say in my new book — Independents Day: Awakening the American Spirit — the arrogance of our political leaders now threatens the future of our nation, and their elitist sense of entitlement has reached such heights that our leaders are now openly dismissive of the will of the people. Working…
Okay, can we get a week off from something going horribly wrong in the Middle East? Now, Pakistan’s causing trouble before the American public could even figure out how to pronounce “Ahmadinejad.” There’s a war in Iraq, Turkey’s pissed, and we’re still trying to fix Israeli-Palestinian relations. Seriously, the Middle East is not a fun…
I’m so proud of Christopher Burke for his Attorney General nomination. Which mortician is doing Laura Bush’s makeup? Oops, forgot the bite marks.
Waterboarding is getting a lot of press lately. Waterboarding (aka “water boarding”) is the practice of immobilizing an individual on his or her back, with the head inclined downward, and pouring water over the face to force the inhalation of water and induce the sensation of drowning. How could something so horrifying have such a…
I’ve always thought way too many voters make their choices on team mentality. When George W. Bush ran against John Kerry, many people cited the “beer test” for where their vote would go. Who would be more fun to have a beer with? That’s who you would vote for. Almost as bad, is this weird…
Since most of us are too dumb and/or lazy to figure it out ourselves, several websites let you enter your stance on different political topics, and spit out a list ranking the presidential candidates. That’s assuming you know what ANWR Drilling, Kyoto and Net Neutrality mean. Check it out here. It’s non-partisan and the code…
Keanu Reeves has me concerned about global warming. But Bonnie Raitt is telling me nuclear power, a key way to fight gloabal warming, is no good. My head’s going to explode from the inner conflict! Keanu? Raitt? Who will win the battle for my mind? BTW, I hate to say it, but I really think…
Get ready to hear plenty about this “Democrats need vaccinations before going to NASCAR events” story. In an e-mail, a staffer who works for committee chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Miss., noted an “unusual need for whomever attending to be vaccinated against hepatitis A and B,” as well as “the more normal things — tetanus, diphtheria,…
A third of U.S. women say the happiness in a presidential candidate’s marriage influences their vote. That sounds stupid enough, but lets look a little deeper. Fifty-two percent of women said they thought Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, had a happy marriage, while 43 percent viewed rival Democratic Sen. Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle,…
Politicians are a bunch of whiny, tattletales. They waste their/our time voting to condemn ads and write letters complaining about Rush Limbaugh. Don’t you have some laws to write? Wars to fix? Halloween costumes to make resemble White House reporter Helen Thomas? Go do something. #37 on this year’s Halloween costume popularity list
(2:39) Soon-to-be-former Senator Larry Craig takes to the pod-o-verse to address claims on his sexuality. “There’s not one ounce of limp in that wrist” – Larry Craig
Thanks to Larry Craig, law-abiding visitors to public restrooms can no longer sit upon the toilet with a wide stance. The senator then tapped his right foot, “a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct,” Karsnia wrote, and Craig ran his left hand several times underneath the partition dividing the stalls. The…
If you haven’t heard yet, you’re not supposed to go to work, shop or go to school on September 11th, so that the government can know how uncool everyone thinks everything is right now. Plus, that means no one will buy gas, and we’ll all be able to get it for 99 cents a gallon…
I’m writing this as Donald is giving his Landon Lecture at K-State. Ever wonder why we applaud people for not getting divorced or for being alive to be married for a certain number of years? Why is that? Applauding Rumsfeld’s marriage skills. Obviously, this speech came at an odd time, what with his being fired…