A long one

If you make it through this, you deserve a slap in tbe face for wasting your time and justifying me wasting mine writing it.

Tonight, I Tivo’d Survivor, and flipped between The O.C. and Primetime.

I’ve only been able to figure out three things that might be happening on The O.C.

1. Julie Cooper is getting back with her ex for sure, but it was over drinks, so that won’t last. And besides, you can’t trust Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper is such a…damn…gotta…keep it…clean. Hmmmm. Oh. Here we go: Julie Cooper is such a woman who equals not good.

2. Ryan punched a guy…I think. But I didn’t need to watch any of the episode to have as much confidence in that statement than I do after watching three, total, non-consecutive, minutes of the show.

3. There is a cool, slow, ballady, acoustic version of the show’s theme song: “California,” by Phantom Planet. You’re welcome for the illegal downloading help. Although, if you can’t put “OC Theme” into Google yourself, you might be in trouble. You don’t even need to use the quotations marks, you…Christina Applegate’s character on Married…With Children.

I didn’t get as much out of Primetime as I could have. It had some great story telling on the Hurricane.

Survivor? I guess we’ll find out when I get back to the Tivo.

But that will be later.

There’s a Presidential Address on.

Damn.

It’s on all the channels.

What can I Tivo while I’m watching the Address?

Oh. Thank God. The WNBA Finals Game Two between the Sacramento Monarchs and the Connecticut Sun is on.

I’m slowly getting to a point.

Bear with me.

You’ve made it this far.

First off, I catch enough flack (sorry for that word, but I couldn’t think of anything to substitute for the word I wanted to use). Where was I? Oh yeah. First off, I catch enough flack already for not going out enough. Now I’ll be stuck on the couch even longer than before, and my Tivo can only record one channel at a time.

TV is back. And, I’m hosed.

Here’s my proposal.

Remember when David Letterman was talking with ABC about moving his show there? Or when Fox was going after Conan? They both re-signed for more money, and, for Conan, a better gig.

Obviously all the networks make huge money in late night.

But the traditional “Late” shows have already fragmented the available viewing audience for that type of show.

Fox and ABC should replay their prime time shows in late night.

That way, I can still see The O.C., House, Arrested Development, Alias, Jake in Progress, etc., when my Tivo is busy and there’s even another show I like on one of the other networks. By the way, what item doesn’t belong in that last sentence?

Surely there’s a bigger market for prime time re-runs in late night than the current garbage on the Fox and ABC late night schedules. Better “late” than never, right? Where’s my pun award?

How I haven’t been hired as a Network Executive yet baffles the mind (sarcasm warning).

There.

Finished.

Now go slap yourself.

Haha! My Tivo just flipped from Brian Williams and Tim Russert on ABC for the 8:30 South Park. Chef’s sexually suggestive singing amuzes me.

Whoops, false ending.

Here’s the real one.

Count the number of times I used ellipses (that’s three periods in a row, or “…” for the grammatically average).

But please don’t go grading my grammar on this post.

Way too many sentences.

I would lose.

And if I’m going to lose, I don’t want to play.

Finished.

Now, go slap yourself.

Stop reading.

Now.

Seriously.

Don’t make me reach through this computer screen and slap you myself!

“It’s amazing what sleep deprivation does for the mind.”

-Matt Stooks