Plants are overrated

A plant, whose existence would be meaningless, found meaning by messing up my existence.  Feel free to chew on that hefty load of profound before reading on.

I’m pretty sure you could power cars with the crud that seeps from this crap. I know I won’t need to buy Pennzoil for awhile.

Screw waterboarding.  If interrogators use poison ivy on terror suspects, you’d find Osama in seconds.  Okay, not seconds, but seconds after symptoms heighten 2-4 days after contact.  Do you think poison ivy grows in the Middle East?  Sand dwellers would freak at the powers of this mystery plant.  USA!  Note to CIA: Why haven’t you hired me yet?

Something good will come of this.  I will stop being a pissy little bitch about bug bites for maybe a whole week.

7 Replies to “Plants are overrated”

  1. maybe a boiling hot grease bath is all you need to cure that….

    Please tell me you wore shoes to the Royals game last night and not sandals. Or if you wore sandals please tell me you rubbed your foot on a Boston fake fan’s face…

    • I wore sandals. Funny you mention it, I made a comment to my brother about scraping my ivy with my fingernails and rubbing it across an annoying Boston fan’s face.

    • Now that you mention it, it does feel like Denver’s ghost is pushing through my skin from the inside.

    • I know I have sexy legs, but was surprised to see how much ankle grinding happened.

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