First off, I’m disappointed in Google. They don’t have a Valentine’s graphic on the homepage today. I could understand if the Olympics happened only every four years and only for one day that happened to be on Valentine’s, but that isn’t the case. You can take one day off from the Olympics graphic to put up a Valentine’s one. Shame.
“We think the Olympics are more important than Valentine’s.” – Googleneizer Scrooge
Searching for the phrase “Google is a Scrooge” produces zero results. So hopefully now that I just put that phrase up, they will index it so you can find this site in the future.
Now, back to Valentine’s Day proper.
I don’t have a Valentine this year.
But I got a Valentine’s gift from the heavens last night.
“Hey, Snuffleupagus. Follow me over to the Den of Stooks, so I may defecate on his car.”
Either the girl I dated for a month or some kind of feathery beast living in the trees in my parking lot ate too much Beef Pasta Hamburger Helper last night.
I am not joking. This amount of crap appeared on my car in just under 12 hours time.
I had to drink my Carnation Instant Breakfast while driving and staring at bird fecal that resembled dried up Carnation Instant Breakfast on the windshield. I almost hurled.
“I think we’ve found the Turdburglar.”
Good God, Stooks! What the hell happened? Does the ex girlfriend raise crap-filled pigeons that attack on command? I’ve never seen anything like that in my life. I didn’t know Tweety Bird and his degenerate friends were into Cleveland Steamers orgy-style.
After a car wash and some rain, the dung still clings in some places.