Scoop

Mel Gibson is speaking out against the war in Iraq. Not enough Jews being inconvenienced.

It’s official: there will be a Federline-Britney duet, “Crazy,” on Kevin’s new CD. The CD, out on Halloween, is called “Playing with Fire.” I’m still praying for Paris Hilton to write an autobiographical song: “Peeing with Fire.” Wow, that’s a pretty cheap way to slam Paris Hilton without having a story about her.

Oh yeah, Paris Hilton’s in Germany for Oktoberfest. You don’t suppose her clothes will accidentally fall off after beer fell in her throat when she wasn’t paying attention, do you?

David Hasselhoff wants to be in the movie version of Knight Rider. I don’t think they should have him in the lead role. But I do think they should let him reprise his role as Garth, the man used as a model to reconstruct Michael Knight’s face, who felt his own father made Michael Knight as a replacement for him (Garth is evil), so he vowed to destroy Michael Knight with “Goliath,” a semi made out of the same material as KITT, Michael’s talking car.

Never trust onscreen smoke-ring blowers

Janet Jackson says she hasn’t talked to Justin Timberlake since he “accidentally” ripped her boob cover off. No one will ever buy the argument that Justin Timberlake has the strength to rip any amount of clothing off, in any type of fashion.

What a shock: Aaron Carter’s engagement to a Playboy Playmate is off after one week, just in time for his family’s crappy reality show, House of Carters. His excuse? He doesn’t know if he’s ready to play with girls just yet.

Aaron Carter’s “Hardass” pose. Step back.

The kid from Terminator 2 just became a dad. It looks like The “non-evil” Terminator has failed yet another important mission.

David Gest’s civil lawsuit against Liza Minnelli for spousal abuse is over. A judge threw out the case. I’d throw it out, too. They’re faces are far too disturbing to look out for any period of time.

Photog A to Photog B: “I think it actually went up near my small intestine somewhere. Quick! Administer the Jenna Jameson DVD!”

Saw this coming: Oprah says her lawyers overreacted when they went after the operator of, what appeared to be a 6th grade class’ attempt at an “Oprah for President” website.

Are your kids just a little too good at watercolors? So was Hitler. That, and a distinct rarity of the color Magenta from the pallette, are reasons enough to stick with crayons.