Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

A need to make a fast choice inspires a brilliant decision. You're so grateful for everything you've received. What's more, that gratitude paves the way for even more good fortune to come your way. Isn’t Welfare great?

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Good fortune is ready to smile on you. Are you ready to receive it? What a silly question -- of course you are! Just to be on the safe side, though, get rid of any blocks and inhibitions that could be in your path. Hey, you knew what you were getting into when you decided on a “murder for book profits” career.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Your motto is 'don't fence me in.' Unfortunately, the rare strain of Hilton Herpe 118 has you under quarantine.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Reserve the right to change your mind, or you might find that a few casual words become a prison. Who would’ve thought the phrase “Cover me in horse feces now, I dare you!” would have such dire consequences.

Stooks Proverb: Give him an inch and he’ll take a yard. Just be glad he didn’t take a meter, because then you’ll be dealing with converting to the metric system, and that’s simply too much for anyone to deal with.