Leo (July 23 - August 22)

The stars give you a dose of some sweet, slow energy. Your roar turns into a muted purr. Kind of like a feline Helen Keller.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

The people you respect may not understand your plans, but that doesn't mean you should abandon them. They’re just jealous of your mad Hungry Hungry Hippo skills.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Laughter and chaos: It seems like you're torn between one and the other. That’s what happens when you watch Full House while huffing Pine Sol.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Be willing to travel beyond reality as you know it. Staying open-minded is key. This may require throwing the balance of some of your personal relationships out of whack. Not to worry -- the situation is only temporary. Your UPS man will forgive you as the smell fades.

Stooks Proverb: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Because you want to open a cow-tipping business. Duh.