Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Feeling like you're ready to go beyond what you know and start exploring what really gets you excited? The stars say there's no time like the present, except for the times that a guy takes it in the junk on the Saget edition of “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

Dreams of the ideal home fill your head. Just remember, you don’t know anyone who has close to the cash necessary to buy a refrigerator with the size box you require.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

You always get what you want eventually, but right now you have to pay a few dues. Fortunately, you have the strength of mind and the physical stamina to deal with way more than this. There are worse things than getting a swirly in the men’s restroom at Silverado’s.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Reading between the lines is right up your alley. You can tell when someone's not being entirely honest about a certain matter. Rein in any impulsiveness. Just keep all the information and urine samples handy for later, when you can use them.

Stooks Proverb: Better to be born lucky than rich. But if you can only swing being born rich, just hope your mom isn’t Anna Nicole.