Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Having a mother is simultaneously a deeply personal and widely universal experience. Honor those nurturing energies in your life by either talking with your mother or honoring the mother you've created from the body parts of dead streetwalkers you found in Vegas.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

The message and the messenger are right on target, but the timing is wrong. Although you know you have information that will turn this situation around, you need to wait. No one’s in the boardroom at 1:00 Thanksgiving morning to hear your solution to the rapid urinal cake vaporization taking place in the men’s restroom.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Be prepared to shift gears as the situation changes. If you do, you'll be able to put the smorgasbord of today's astrological influences to their best use. Start out fast and furious and downshift to sweet and slow by the afternoon. Then, downshift to “pudding rolling down the hill” mode.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Your life has been so hectic lately that an uneventful day seems like a gift straight from the stars. Unfortunately a gift from Big Bird flying overhead won’t seem like such a gift.

Stooks Proverb: There’s no such thing as bad publicity, unless that publicity is about your tragic death after falling face first into a blender set on “puree.”