Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

A dearly held wish of yours is about to become reality. When it happens, you'll have to make some big changes in your life. Some advice about how to deal with it is coming your way, albeit in a strange disguise. Damn you Halloween Costume clearance pricing!

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

As brightly as your light burns, remember that you're also part of a team, personally and professionally. Playing nice has big dividends if you know what to ask for -- and, most importantly, how to ask for it: mayo on the side.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Fire, water, air: You have a healthy serving of all the major astrological energies today, and all you need to truly balance it out is a little earthy energy. Just be careful when you’re picking out what dirt to eat. Stay out of Mangino’s backyard.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Just what you needed: a little fire in the belly! The stars give you whatever's necessary to take it to the next level. Make sure you consult your head, your heart and your hemorrhoids before taking your next steps.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t cut down the tree that gives you shade, unless it made a pass at your mom.