Leo (July 23 - August 22)

The stars give you the ability to think, talk and act at the speed of light. But you still won’t be able to get to the bathroom in time after a 4 a.m. stop at Denny’s.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Go ahead and give in to a whim. Friends may be envious of what you accomplish, so make sure to keep your talk about this modest. Your eye for clearance pricing on garter belts draws the ire of many.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

A million different topics interest you right now, and with good reason. The stars are taking your usual laser-like focus and directing it toward various eclectic areas. What happens in the handicap stall stays in the handicap stall.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You have a little extra spring in your step. In fact, the sparkle in your eye is well past the legal limit. You could charm your way into or out of just about anything right now. But charm doesn’t work on the Twix bar, clinging for its life on the spring in the vending machine.

Stooks Proverb: Beggars can’t be choosers, but you still shouldn’t try to trick them into thinking some dirt clumps wrapped in foil are brownies.