Leo (July 23 - August 22)

The situation seems pretty cut-and-dried to you, so you can't understand why someone else is all tied up with ambiguities and alternatives. Maybe it’s time to get them tied up with rope and duct tape and thrown in the closet, instead.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You're positively a genius when it comes to allocating resources. Unfortunately, you’re positively a moron when it comes to eating spaghetti. Embarrassing.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

If you have more than two choices, you're often thrown for a loop. In fact, more than one choice is a little too much for you today! See if you can find a grownup to help you make a choice from the vending machine.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Those closest to you have really come to depend on your discerning viewpoint. When you’re done with them, they’ll kick themselves for not realizing on their own just how much better Bob Saget is than Dave Coulier.

Stooks Proverb: If you want something well done, do it yourself, especially if you’re a cannibal.