Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Right now you're an expert in body language and hidden emotions…Much better than last week, when you were an expert in body fluid stain removal.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Ignoring a communication stalemate won't make it go away, though that course of action might be your first instinct. A deeper issue is lingering and upsetting you both. It's time to express what's been left unsaid: “Go, go, Power Rangers.”

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Let's face it -- surprise gifts in the mail are nice, but they usually turn out to be the wrong size or the wrong color. Follow Madonna’s lead, and go directly to the orphanage to pick one out for yourself.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Hindsight isn't always 20-20. Sometimes it’s Dateline NBC, especially with all your questionable activity on MySpace.

Stooks Proverb: Spare the rod and spoil the child. In other words, beat the hell out of every kid you see.