Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Be very clear about what you both expect if you're about to lend a friend something you value. In fact, maybe you should just go ahead and give them that tampon outright.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

It takes a lot of courage and heart to work through an issue, especially when the roots of it go stubbornly deep. Keep at it, however. Afterward, you'll see that your character is stronger than it ever was. Your bladder control remains weak, though. You’ve got the stain to prove it.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

It's time to focus on the here and now -- this is where the rewards are. 'If only' are two of the most energy-sapping words in any language. If only you weren’t too dumb to realize it.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Focus on love and beauty in your personal relationships. Focusing on it in the mirror will simply take too much time, unless Fox brings “The Swan” back.

Stooks Proverb: All’s well that ends well, unless it starts with Kevin Federline, expired condoms and a tub of Crisco.