Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Like the song goes, you can't always get what you want. But if you really examine your reasons for wanting it, you'll end up pretty grateful that you didn't get it in the first place. It’s unlikely that a $500 Super Mario outfit will land you a new lover.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

Take a step back. Getting some breathing room will help if things have been too intense lately. It's time to transform negativity into something with a higher and more creative purpose: starting the “Justin Guarini Shivers Me Timbers” fan club.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

A few old resentments are lingering in your life. It's time to deal with them before they make a point of dealing with you. Keep in mind that these feelings might go deeper than you initially realized, but keep at it. Someday you’ll get over the tragic “Port-A-Potty Tip of 2001.”

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

A momentary feeling may run deeper than you suspected. It's important not to overreact. Everyone dreams of Hasselhoff’s chest sometime. Yours just had more sweat beads than the usual.

Stooks Proverb: All road’s lead to Rome, unless Brandy’s driving.