Leo (July 23 - August 22)

There's no need to ask where the party is -- the party is wherever you are. Unfortunately, no one ever attends.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

A few tasks have fallen by the wayside while you've been concentrating on more important matters: body hair sculpting.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Live life on the flip side. Have your fun during the day. During the night, your brainpower is at its sharpest and can tackle the toughest intellectual tasks, like your 200 piece Snuffleupagus puzzle.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

You're like a well-oiled machine or a thoroughbred horse. You smell.

Stooks Proverb: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Put some against the side of your 7^th grade gym teacher’s house.