Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Slow and steady does the trick. In fact, it gets you to the top of the mountain. Whew! Yet after all that effort, you're not even winded. Barry Bonds sure hooked you up. Unfortunately, he didn’t give you the ability to explain away the now-watermelon-like object sitting on your neck.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

An unusual idea about your home occurs to you. This will either revolutionize your life or make things much more confusing -- possibly both at the same time. That’s what happens when you install a hidden camera in your bathroom before you host a total sausage fest.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Ever been signed up for an annoying magazine subscription? Luckily, you can always cancel it. But you can’t always hunt down and punish the clown who tricked you into buying it at your front door.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Biting off more than you can chew is sure to give you a stomachache. That and more in Mike Tyson’s new book: The Art of Cannibalism.

Stooks Proverb: Two heads are better than one. Actually, two-headed people usually have a rough time of it. Don’t envy them.