Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

The stars encourage you to go out and gather more material for your mind. Pick up interesting magazines and books or go see an artsy-fartsy movie. Heck, why not do all of them, and make it a regular thing? Oh, you want to keep your friends? Nevermind.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22)

You feel like you have to get every aspect of your life settled right now. Everyone else thinks your crazy talk can be put off for a while. It might be time to retire to your separate corners for the moment, especially since your corner has a Speak and Say.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

When you're presented with a plethora of opportunities, you instinctively want to grab every one. That’s why they don’t let you into the strip club anymore.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Eating, shopping, or sleeping to assuage your feelings never works. You need to get something off your chest, and tight pants or credit card regret won't help. Well, the tight pants might get you some more dates as long as you tackled that thigh protrusion that’s been bugging you.

Stooks Proverb: Beauty is only skin deep. That’s why Nicole Richie has none.