You won’t see me driving when I’m old. Actually, you probably won’t see many people driving since teleportation will be so standard. I guess I’ll have to make this hypothetical. If I were old today, I wouldn’t drive anywhere. I might not be aware of my elderly perception of the time/space/speed-limit continuum, but I guarantee…
Robbing the cradle, legally: Saudi marriage officiant Dr. Ahmad al-Mu’bi told Lebanese television viewers last week that it’s permissible for girls as young as 1 to marry — as long as sex is postponed. If it weren’t for that pesky sex clause, we could count on our pedophiles leaving the United States. Damn teases.
Iran’s president says the United States and its allies tried to kill him when he visited Iraq, but he was too clever for them. “Based on reliable intelligence, our enemies had plans to kidnap and kill your servant. But we intentionally made last-minute changes in our schedule.” Israel is running scary military exercises. Those exercises…
Shit. They’re using the term “flip flop” again. Democrats say John McCain flip-flopped on off-shore drilling. Republicans say Barack Obama flip-flopped on public campaign financing. We need a flip-flop truce in this country. Let’s recognize that reasonable people change their minds from time-to-time. We can hold them to account when they make a habit of…
President Bush wants Congress to end an offshore drilling moratorium that dates back to early Reagan. Bush said that if congressional leaders head home for their July 4 recess without taking action, they will need to explain why “$4 a gallon gasoline is not enough incentive for them to act. And Americans will rightly ask…
Al Gore endorsed Barack Obama tonight. It was a great speech. Here’s what the New York Times had to say, with a little meaningless Stooks commentary. Mr. Gore had purposefully stayed on the sidelines during the long Democratic primary fight. He announced his decision to endorse Mr. Obama on Monday afternoon in a message to…
Tim Russert is gone. I will miss him. With that said, it’s been interesting to watch reaction to this news. MSNBC went wall-to-wall, without commercials, to talk about their amazing boss. His coworkers described an unparalleled father, son and friend. “He always asked the right questions” became a cliche after about an hour of the…
Al Gore is on the board of directors at Apple, but it’s still odd to see the former vice president clapping over a new iPhone ad like it’s a line in a Clinton State of the Union Address. And people wonder why he didn’t want to run for office again.
Many things were labeled “racist” or “sexist” during the primary season. A lot of these went over my head. For example, some said that Hillary’s 3 AM ad had obvious racial overtones. I swear I heard one political douche accuse the ad of saying something along the lines of “Oh, it’s three in the morning,…
(7:25 mp3) John McCain blows at speaking good Podcast: Download (3.4MB)
On May 6th, the media proclaimed Obama the nominee. The news reports said Hillary was canceling all her public appearances for the next day. This led to my post “She’s going away?!” Look at the question mark followed by the exclamation point in that headline. She’s going away?! It was as if I were a…
Sharon Stone said a horrible earthquake in China was karma for the way China treated Tibet and the Dalai Lama. She went on to say China was “not being nice to the Dalai Lama, who’s a good friend of mine.” I hear they have had some epic pillow fights. I can’t wait for one of…
Celebrate, Hillary Haters! I was following the primaries online tonight. Things were getting intense and I had to violate my “no cable news” rule. “Hillary Clinton will not have any public events Wednesday” is on MSNBC. Big news day Wednesday. Obama did some amazing things in Indiana and North Carolina. By the way, Chris Matthews…
I’m sick of all the superdelegate talk. Here’s a typical superdelegate Internet or TV conversation: If the superdelegates steal the nomination from Obama, it will destroy the Democratic Party. It’s a fair argument, but this scenario won’t happen unless Obama and his pastor tag-team a 14-year-old at a polygamist compound. Don’t worry paranoid Obama supporters,…
I don’t know why, but OG George Bush with his mammoth tarpon catch is a disturbing picture. Am I the only one who tried to look up Bush’s shorts?
I find this banner from washingtonpost.com a bit beyond stupid. “Pope Watch” reminds me of this Onion article on Catholics lining up for Pope John Paul II’s funeral before he was even close to dying. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll have to wait, but whether it’s five days or five months, it’ll be…
Note: Lots more words in this post than you’re used to. Don’t worry. I’ll give you a podcast version so you can rest your eyes, if need be. mp3 file (4:06) We wanted to try something new Saturday night. We decided on the Kansas City Power and Light District. Fearful of tight parking, we chose…
I was a much better copyeditor at The Kansan (KU’s student paper) than I was a reporter. This means I’m better bitching about someone else’s shitty reporting than I am doing shitty reporting of my own. With this in mind, I found a great piece of copy to edit from this story: Clinton, who would…
I just finished watching the PBS documentary “Bush’s War.” You can watch it online here. I’ll go ahead and doubt you’ll watch a four-and-a-half hour documentary on your computer. I’ll give you a brief summation instead. A couple of idiots (mostly Cheney and Rumsfeld with a sprinkle of Bush, Tenet and Wolfowitz) got us into…
The Internet hasn’t gone crazy over Ron Paul in a long time. I miss it.
They were supposed to greet us as liberators. They were supposed to throw flowers at us. They were supposed to be dancing in the street to Martha and the Vandellas. It didn’t happen. Where did our predictions go wrong? I have a theory: It’s George Lucas’ fault. Bush and Cheney simply have to be Star…
Busted by Sinbad (see here) and numerous news reports, Hillary Clinton’s campaign now says she misspoke when she shared this blatant lie exaggeration about her trip to Bosnia: “I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our…
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer might have lost his job thanks to a tipoff to the Feds from a political strategist. Check out this juicy excerpt: “Governor Spitzer did not remove his midcalf-length black socks during the sex act. Perhaps you can use this detail to corroborate Mr. Stone’s information.” There was always a…
I made the dreaded trip to Price Chopper to stock up on groceries today. While the woman in front of me was taking her time writing her out of town check and trying to get cash back, I had plenty of time to browse the impulse buys. Among them were bottles of Purell for your…
I’ve come to the realization that I’ve wasted entirely too much of my life watching cable news. Each cable network has a carousel of about 20 pundits screaming over each other in a desperate attempt to spin viewers one way or the other. I think I’m grown up enough at this point to (gasp) read…
I pulled up my DVR list moments ago, saw “The McLaughlin Group” listed and said “That’s what I’m talking about!” Just thought you would appreciate a further look into the depths of my pathetic TV viewing habits.
I try not to get too educational, so I apologize in advance. I watch a lot of news and read a lot of news, so I might as well try to make it worthwhile. Oil is $110 a barrel. That’s a lot. Why did this happen? There are zero supply side concerns. How did we…
I can no longer recommend listening to Bill Moyers Journal to fall asleep. I always try to listen to something fairly unexciting when I go to bed. Last night, I turned to my trusty Bill Moyers Podcast. Bill featured conservative televangelist/John McCain-endorser John Hagee. Bill played clips of this clown preaching about how we need…
Everyone’s asking the same question: “Why did Eliot Spitzer nail a hooker?” We point to Clinton and Lewinsky, Jim McGreevy and some dude, Larry Craig and the toilet people, and say “Why do they do it? Why do these male politicians keep banging people other than their wives? Surely they would’ve learned from others’ mistakes,…
Sinbad went on a trip to Bosnia with Hillary Clinton – a trip Hillary described as harrowing. Sinbad remembers it differently. He said the “scariest” part of the trip was wondering where he’d eat next. “I think the only ‘red-phone’ moment was: ‘Do we eat here or at the next place.’” Poor Hillary. She probably…