A third of U.S. women say the happiness in a presidential candidate’s marriage influences their vote. That sounds stupid enough, but lets look a little deeper. Fifty-two percent of women said they thought Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, had a happy marriage, while 43 percent viewed rival Democratic Sen. Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle,…
Last weekend, I hit up El Mezcal in Lawrence for Mexican and margaritas with some former coworkers. I ordered my Burrito Gigante with “no beans.” John questioned my line of thinking, forcing me to reply “I hate beans.” With a look of shock on his face, he quietly indicated that proclaiming your hate for beans…
All the talk about Myanmar has me thinking about an old Seinfeld episode. Most articles about the current situation in Myanmar also refer to the country as Burma. Seinfeld tackled this more than ten years ago in “The Foundation,” originally airing on September 19th, 1996. If we haven’t figured out what to call it since…
Check out this candy corn’s striking resemblance to Gary Shandling.
I walked into the Target electronics department just in time to hear the helmet-haired woman behind the glass counter drop something brilliant to a coworker: “He’s one of those guys. He’s a bad boy. But when you break him in, he’s the sweetest guy ever.” I’m assuming this girl is talking about her boyfriend. He’s…
From USA Today’s article on transplanting hair from dead people: Some may think such a move — to don the hair of a cadaver — would be extreme, but nobody should underestimate the determination of balding people to reverse the scourge of a receding hairline. Spending on hair-restoration surgeries in 2006 topped $1.2 billion worldwide,…
I’m quite happy the Yankees lost. I just wish Cleveland would’ve swept them. I don’t think I’d hate the Yankees nearly as much if there weren’t so many Yankees fans in Kansas City. I haven’t met too many New Yorkers in the metro, yet the number of Yankees fans at Royals games never fails to…
From Craig’s List (bold mine): Get paid way better money plus get FREE Lottery tickets just for doing a good job. Our job is very simple but actually pays really good! Culligan Water is looking for 2 more people to help us do surveys. Its really simple and we are not selling anything. We simple…
From Men’s Health on the topic of “grinding”: Dr. Jonathan Huber, M.D., of Queen’s University College in Kingston, Ontario, found that about three in 10 women think it’s okay. Good luck finding those three. Men’s Health‘s own spot survey of attractive, intelligent women found near-universal disgust with the move. Whoa, hold on, Men’s Health. Your…
I love weight loss advertising. Lose nine pounds every 11 days, and show off the meticulously sculpted muscles hiding beneath years of Double Stuf Oreos and Maury consumption.
I just got back from the bank. It was the one time in years that I needed to talk face-to-face with a banking official. It was a dead end, as today is Christopher Columbus Day. Private banks close on Columbus Day for reasons the public can never know. I’m thinking about joining the Columbus Day…
Pimp Everything’s going to be alright. Three days after his admission to a Dallas hospital and one day after undergoing “lifesaving surgery” to treat a pulmonary embolism, Isaac Hanson was back home Friday and is expected back on the road as early as Monday. Unfortunately, Hanson missed a show at the Beaumont Club in Kansas…
Today’s Chiefs game isn’t in high definition. Unacceptable. Channel 9’s local news broadcasts in high definition, and you’re telling me CBS doesn’t have enough high-def equipment to cover all their NFL games? They pay $622.5 million per year for NFL rights, and full-HD coverage puts them in the red? WTF? This pisses off and confounds…
Bonus: Mangino gets his boob tweaked.
Garth Brooks will do nine shows in Kansas City. Parents, you have one month to convince your kids that Garth Brooks is way cooler than Hannah Montana. Start with an explanation of who Garth Brooks is. Unfortunately, I’m indifferent to Garth. My Hannah Montana money stays in the piggy bank for now. What’s the line…
Big game in Manhattan tomorrow. If K-State wins, there’d better not be any fans storming the field. I’m just saying. Act like you’ve been there. You’re favored to win. KU fans can’t be expected to know what to do in these types of situations, thanks to an almost complete indifference to football outside of games…
Cider Fest is this weekend in Louisburg. I have other plans, but if you’re looking to blow out your colon, Cider Fest is the way to go. The festivities start with a pancake breakfast from 9 to 11 a.m. followed by a barbecue from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Live music and entertainment begin at…
Remember SARS? Remember waking up in a cold sweat at 3 am after nightmaring that you got infected with SARS after a visit to Chinatown? SARS was far weaker than the Bird Flu. Sars mortality rate was at about 10 percent. About eight thousand people got it, about eight hundred died. Bird Flu got 199…
Dear Cauliflower, GO AWAY! Nobody likes you! You only exist because whoever invented the veggie tray had some extra room on there and said “maybe we can just throw some of that tard broccoli from the manure pile on there to balance out the look.” Somehow, it stuck. Plus, I’m guessing produce departments can pay…
From the KC Star’s story on Kauffman Stadium renovations (bold mine): Also scheduled for completion: New bullpens, expanded dugout-box seating, expanded crown seating behind the plate, the removal of one circular ramp on each side and the construction of expanded vomitories to field-level concourse. I like to think I’m “down with words,” but I wasn’t…
I’ve stumbled upon an interesting conundrum. When someone curses on a reality show, we get a beep. However, when someone curses on a movie edited for TV, we get “Yippie kayay, Mr. Falcon” (Die Hard 2). Why did the beep ever go out of style for movies? Is the overdubbing union involved? The same overdubbing…
(5:47 podcast) Stooks contributer Shua called the Skype line (785.727.2291) and taught me all kinds of fun things, mostly about TV.
I do most of my email through GMail, but I still have an old Yahoo! address that gets some action. GMail retrieves the email from my Yahoo! inbox, but not the bulk folder. So, I go to Yahoo! and check it every week or so to make sure nothing important got snagged. I have to…
I always find it funny when a bunch of people get pissed and go after a business, intending harm. The latest involves three businesses in Johnson County. A grand jury indicted them for promoting obscenity. Hollywood at Home for four DVDs, Spirit Halloween for obscene costumes, and Priscilla’s for five sex toys and a videos.…
Politicians are a bunch of whiny, tattletales. They waste their/our time voting to condemn ads and write letters complaining about Rush Limbaugh. Don’t you have some laws to write? Wars to fix? Halloween costumes to make resemble White House reporter Helen Thomas? Go do something. #37 on this year’s Halloween costume popularity list
Every time the noise meter comes on at Kauffman Stadium, I try my best to hush the crowd. “Shut up, it’s rigged! If everyone’s quiet, you’ll see!” They don’t listen. They just keep mindlessly screaming as the noise meter continues to climb, tricking all in attendance into thinking they just blew the top off the…
Poor Mrs. Butterworth. She’s fallen on hard times. Years removed from her TV stardom in the 80s, she’s turned to a life of gluttony, her face and defining curves disappearing into an undefined blob.
Once or twice a year, I have to do the toilet paper shuffle. The latest incident was at my friend Tony’s place in Chicago. I noticed the short supply of toilet paper on the roll as I was completing my pinch. I conserved the paper as best I could, but was still one wipe short.…
Britney Spears has a messed up white Mercedes to go with the black one she used in a hit and run. She’s having such a difficult time driving. Her brake keeps sticking to her vagina. Such a shame. I only bring this up to remind you of the times when we went out of our…
I’ve figured out what’s wrong with technology. All the people who appreciate the laziness technology affords don’t get off their asses to invent new stuff. The only reason an automated Jetsons-like shower doesn’t exist at this point is because all of us who think the process should be automated assume that some other lazy-ass will…