Cry about it some more, you no-talent, sister-beating idiot. Corey “I not only like to beat up women, but I like to beat up women who are my sister” Clark makes Scott Savol look good. ABC is such a piece of garbage for airing that special last night. By the way, did you notice that…
Have you ever accidentally dropped something into the toilet and had to fish it out with your hands? Probably. But have you ever accidentally thrown something into the toilet while you were in the shower? I used up the rest of my body wash this morning, and I always toss empty shower products over the…
Heebiejeebies anyone? This is that runaway bride from Georgia. Maybe she was just trying to find some nourishment and a five gallon bottle of Visine before the wedding.
Come on. Do you have to choose Thursday night for your press conference where you tell everyone everything that we already know? And do you have to bump The OC of all things? You better hope Ryan doesn’t grabe some of his boys from Chino for some retaliation. Easily the biggest mistake of this administration.
Scott Savol wasn’t even in the bottom three last night. Ridiculous. I’ve lost my faith in America.
Whoops. Wrong picture. There. That’s better. And he’ll be back to wearing the beater after last night’s show. Savol sucked so bad last night on American Idol that, if he doesn’t get cut tonight, I’ll gouge out my ears with a spoon. Check out this not-even-all-that-high note that he failed to hit. Not sure if…
Have you seen the new food pyramid? I didn’t realize I needed to have more stick figures in my diet. With the new pyramid, you get to customize your own plan by entering your age, gender and level of physical activity. Unfortunately, less than 30 minutes a day is as low as it goes. I…
Okay, so I was complaining about the police running radar in a new construction zone and within days, I get a ticket. My first ticket in seven years. It was the day after my brother’s wedding, I was wearing my tux and everything, and I got pulled over in Kansas City. 38 in a 25.…
Apparently Paula likes reading Internet message board about American Idol. And she sees that everone thinks she’s wasted. I think the picture tells us all we need to know. But Paula says the rumors just ain’t got none truth to ’em in da whatsoever. Great job! I’m proud of you! (*clap clap*). I direct you…
First off, what a stupid nickname. Second, shouldn’t there be some kind of waiting period before you start pulling people over in a construction zone? They just started working on a highway that I take to work each morning and they already had a cop out, at 4:30 a.m., trying to find people who were…
We used to think you were cool because you were Ruben-sized and looking like Corky but Idol let you advance. But then we found out that you like to beat up girls. Oh yeah, then there’s that part where you can’t sing. Then the part where you’re way too cocky for your terrible voice. So…
Kansas City’s Chubby’s is a 24 hour diner. Lawrence’s Chubby’s is a bowling alley’s bar and grill. You know you’re going to get quality food at a bowling alley’s bar. I don’t know why they just don’t give up and sell gas station sandwiches, instead. Junction City’s Chubby’s is a barbecue/barbeque/BBQ/Bar-B-Q place. So, if you…
That’s what The Donald should’ve said to Chris Shelton, one of his Apprentice wannabees. This picture has my Abdul-O-Meter in the red. He was arrested the other night for disorderly conduct. Any guesses on if he advances much further on The Apprentice?
Have you ever been in line somewhere and the person in front of you won’t get off their phone? They end up holding up the line because they have to tell their friend that “Maggie is making a big mistake going ouw with that jerk.” Is that really necessary at the current moment? Or how…
Paula didn’t seem to be completely trashed last night on American Idol. While she still didn’t talk like a normal person, she didn’t sound as inebriated as Billy Joel. Hey, Billy! What’s in the cup? And can you ask your friend where I can get that groovy shirt?
A bunch of people have already changed Sony’s new version of the GameBoy for their own purposes. Now you can get patches that let you get on the Internet, do Instant Messaging and even grab shows off the TiVo to watch later. This got me thinking about some other things I’ve rigged in the past…
I can’t figure out if I’m required to do this or not, but I always get suckered into it. I bet if I get an Extra-Long Cheese Coney with Jalepeños, my stomach and other digestive organs would convince me to stay away completely. By the way, if you want to know how you can type…
Once The Contender fails, Sly might still have a job. Someone has made a script for Rambo 4. That’s good news, I was starting to worry about Sly. About a year ago, a script for Rocky VI got shot down. Guess Sly didn’t feel too much like making love to Tommy Morrison this time around.
In celebration of Paula Abdul being inebriated on American Idol, here’s a fun new drinking game for the show. I came across a drinking game for the show already, but it was a piece of garbage like “every time one of the contestants is a female, drink.” So here’s one that makes you pay attention…
Paula Abdul was wasted on last night’s American Idol. Check out this “Paula Abdul gets more wasted as the night goes on” montage I put together. Tell me she’s not canned off her “straight up now pour me another Captain and Coke” behind.
One sausage patty, two eggs, two American cheese slices and three strips of bacon. On a bun. It’s the new Enormous Omelet Sandwich at Burger King. This is probably the filthiest breakfast sandwich of all time. 730 calories. I’m gonna go into Burger King and say, “Can I get the Emormous Omelet Sandwich, but can…
Michael Jackson was on Jesse Jackson’s radio show last night. I know. Pretty much anyone can get a radio show. Michael had some interesting things to say. He says he’s a warrior in one clip. In the next clip, he says he’s very fragile. Good to see he still has that dual-identity thing still working…
So, this morning we were taking calls on “most messed up Easter experience.” Then we get a call from a kid who says his most messed up Easter experience may happen this weekend. Take a listen and let me know how you think I handled the situation.
FHM has released its 100 Sexiest Women in the World list.Angelina Jolie is number one. Billy Bob is number two. As in a pile of ____. And his pure association with Angelina should eliminate her from the list completely. Yeah, she’s hot. But she’s less sexy by association. Alyssa Milano is number six. Where’s Mona…
They had to basically repackage Tuesday night’s episode to play again for last night because one of the morons who does graphics for the show put three wrong phone numbers up for the voting process. They were probably too busy planning a readjustment of one of Seacrest’s strands of hair to pay attention to the…
Mischa Barton, a.k.a. bi-curious Marissa from The O.C. is officially a superstar. Someone used a 20-foot long lens to get some topless photos of her sunbathing. Because this is a family website (loose definition) you won’t find the pictures here. Besides, you should be able to google good enough to find them yourself if you’re…
I hit the snooze alarm for a half hour straight every morning when I get up. It’s part of my wakeup routine, and it can give you some funky dreams some times, so I don’t mind the process. But there is a new invention for people who hit the snooze. Check out “Clocky.” Yeah, it’s…
Who would’ve thought Pat O’Brien would have a dirtier mouth than Bill O’Reilly. It’s like I always say, never trust a man with a moustache, you can never tell what he’s thinking. This chick says he left numerous messages on her machine. Here’s one for your enjoyment. If you hadn’t heard, he’s also checked into…
Mistro asked about Jake in Progress, the new ABC show starring former Full House lady-killer John Stamos. The show is terrible. Poor Stamos. First his marriage falls apart, then his career. Interesting fact: Stamos answers the phone “talk to me” on Jake. Sound familiar? That is the same way he answered it on Full House.…
A guy who was a painter for David Letterman has been arrested for plotting to kidnap his son and hold him for $5 million ransom. He was also planning to kidnap the kid’s nanny, so he could have someone take care of him until the ransom was paid. I’m telling you, you can never tell…